Let me tell you what's up.
I won. and I failed.
Life sure has changed in the Pandemic Era. Let's not kid ourselves, we are still full up in this business. It will probably be a long bit before we recover from the Idiocy of Ego, the Siberian Saga, alongside NATO Neo-Colonial Greed, How to Collapse Your Own Civilization for Money.
As for my personal life, regardless of how many Academic articles reference me (so far 30+), and whatnot related to Whistleblowing, it is an absolute crunk of a failure. I wish I could find the words to describe my supreme disappointment at everything. In the last 2 years, I have had 3 men try to take my life from me, one of them a 3rd time Felony Offender, all let go without charge. Every day that I would take my dog for a walk I would be followed, by several people, and I felt like I would be jumped at any moment because my actions have become an inconvenience to those who would do business in darkness.
All I've ever done is try to do the right thing. I never hurt anybody, I never did more than express my hurt and anger over how I've been treated, and it's only given me further mistreatment.
"We've all moved on." I've been told several times. No, You've left me behind because you got what you wanted. I sacrificed my mind, body, heart, and soul to do the right thing and was just left broken and alone. I feel like the prodigal son, but without anywhere to go to as I have no father, and I have been disowned by my Christian relatives.
The worst part is, I only acted as I did because I was taught to follow my heart and do the right thing via Christianity, and I am pariah everywhere I go in my own home town, and mistreated by those I once called loved ones. I was told that America stood for "Liberty and Justice for All," and all I see everywhere is Patriot Christians going against everything that Christ and supposedly what the Constitution and Bill of Rights were written to represent.
Somebody once asked me if they could still be Christian and an Anarchist, and my response was, "give unto Caesar what is Caesar's, give unto God what is Gods." He didn't like it so I tried to expand it like this. I said that only you can define what you believe is God's and what is a king's. If you don't believe that anything belongs to man, then everything simply belongs to God.
I believe god is everything. The One. When I was younger I used to feel connected to it. I couldn't tell you what it was, exactly, but I felt whole, once. My service to the military severed my connection to it, and ever since then I've felt only loss and grief. I've taken Psychedelics, by myself and with authentic shamans, and its only made the wounds more clearly defined. They were not the cure I thought they would be. I classify them as medicine, but they can only take you so far, the rest is up to you. And as far as I've discovered, once the connection has been severed, it's like you're a living deadman, and there is no way to reconnect.
At least that's what I've been told.
While I am living in the Sphere of God's influence, I still feel lost and alone. My little boy heart can't take it.
I'm not eager to die, but I have no will to live anymore. I have no close friends, no family, no loved ones. My dog is sick and dying. He was the only thing that I ever really cared about in my lifetime, and I sacrificed my time and life with him to do the Whistleblower bullshit. And, if I can be Frank, I regret it all because I believed in the greatness of mankind and all I've seen is wretched garbage. The way I've been treated has been horrendous. The last 10 years have been Hell on Earth, for me. I swear the world ended in 2012.
At least the one thing that Psychedellics have for sure told me is that taking my own life is no escape from this place, so I might as well wait it out. The best "training" I ever got from the Military was the ability to wait forever for shit to go down and to "nap as needed". The only reason I survived was because of the Power Nap. It should be it's own AFSC.
That's the last joke I have for you.
I'll leave you with this, if you ever came across me and treated me with good intentions and a pure heart, I wish you only blessings in this lifetime. If you ever came to me with ulterior motives, may you fall from your own deceptions so that everyone can see.
May the spirit of Brandon Wayne Bryant, Rest In Peace, because now I am nobody and filled only with sorrow. If we meet on the street, we are strangers, I care not for anything this world has to give.
