(OPEN LETTER) JUDGE SHANE VANETTA

To the First US Judge to Preside over my case, 

Your Honor,

I had this long story written down in my usual diatribe of poetic waxing an waning... but I had a revelation that hit me the other day that put me at ease with everything and I only want to say one thing.

I am extremely privileged  to bring this issue before you. I had once gone up the chain of command in my squadron (twice, actually) and gone up the chain of command outside my squadron. I couldn't find anyone to hold themselves accountable internally, so I went to somebody who would externally. Both dismissed me as being "a young airman who didn't know his place." We've all seen me go up the Civilian international Chain of Command, to being invited to witness and say something to the UN Security council. I did my best to try to remind us who we were. Or who I thought we were.

Now we are Judiciously involved with not only a legal issue but a Constitutional issue as well. If you couldn't tell, I've been sorely disappointed with the way that our society has been constructed, and believe that my participation in the United States Military War Machine has given me due right to make that voice heard. I have seen enough fraud, waste, and abuse of military resources, I couldn't bear being witness and helpless as I saw it again in my own community, where my own people's lives were at stake.

I am not here to wage a war against my own people. I am here for justice, and into your hands I commend the spirit to guide you. May you be the last stop on my upward slope to find what I need. In the end, I can only go up.

Respectfully,

Brandon W. Bryant

A Life, Mythological

 The stories and myths of the world have been my soul's lifeblood ever since I could read "Green Eggs & Ham" by Dr. Seuss on my own. I probably read that one a thousand times. I think of it often when I come upon things that I do not want to do or that I do not like. Of maybe all the stories I've read, I have a deeper connection to this one than my Bible. 

When I first started speaking out against drones and their modern uses in warfare, it wasn't to be a hero, a martyr, famous or infamous, or even for popularity. I knew that there would be some opposition, but nothing of the sort that I'd encountered. I didn't think that human beings were as horrible as I've since seen first hand. 

Another mythology that I feel describes my situation is one where a man is cursed to toil forever in a field unless he tricks somebody to take over for him. Everyone and their mother knew that when I left the Drone program, that it was with a bitter heart and zero satisfaction with the mission or the job. Everyone knew that even if I was dissatisfied, that I still treated people with respect due to their rank, if not their person. Everyone knew that I worked harder than anyone else, to the point of collapse and burnout. 

My brothers and sisters knew that I loved them like no other because we were in the same bullshit together. 

Or I thought they did.

One of my biggest faults, I understand, is that I trust people to always want to strive for what is right and good. I've made a lot of poor choices for friends and associates, mainly because I remember being told "that's what Jesus would do," growing up. It's not the healthy that need a doctor, he would say. But even though I had the finest spiritual guidance in the persons of my Great Grandfather and my Mother, I was still an idiot.

I think that since the military used my own faith as a weapon against my spirit to get me to kill and accept it for God's Will, I lost my trust in anything that anyone could say to me as true. I've had to hold so many people to account of their word versus their actions that have failed to do the right thing, that I'm unsure of even how to proceed with my own life at this point. 

My Stalker, Rick Rynearson, has purposely put my own life in danger, multiple times, with his tabloid and extremist behavior, that I am not safe in my own hometown anymore. For a creature who claims to be a Law Abiding Citizen, against Police Abuse, and for Justice, he sure played me into their hands in a gross violation of anything Lawful, Peaceful, or Just. He once tried to set me up to get arrested at some convention, but I'm lucky he's an alcoholic and an ego driven idiot. I had once thought that his lame attempts to label me as some sort of Death Cult leader was hilarious, as if that was the best that the opposition could come up with to use against me when I've given them plenty of other things to use, then I had nothing to worry about. Every time I spoke to Ratnearson, he was drunk, it was because of that I knew I could never trust him.

Soon afterwards, the threats against my person rose nearly 10x. . Ranger Veterans in my own home town, who wrestled for my grandfather, threatened my very life and made me swear on the life of my Grandfather. I had underestimated the one thing that I should not have: The stupidity of the Average man. 

In a world of access to too much information, I had thought that we would be better at discerning what was real and what was not. I had believed that the deep abiding curiosity for the mysteries of life were shared by everyone of my generation. I had believe that we were not going to repeat the mistakes of the past. 

However, that is not the case, as it seems that Humanity as a whole has a few more lessons that it needs to learn before it can get it's shit together. It seems that the failure to respond and lead in a crisis has spread from the top down, to where even my own local city council would rather give $17 million dollars to a local millionaire for the building of his entertainment empire than spend that money on keeping the citizens of that same community fed, clothed, and safe during a global pandemic. 

So I guess that I shouldn't be surprised that where the United States of America is at. It's there because it's full of sin and corruption on the deepest levels, and as that corruption comes to light, I hope that the people see it for what it is. 

My Great Grandfather spent a lot of time having me recite my favorite Bible verses, and I spent a lot of time on my own memorizing and reciting the things my favorite authors wrote, and the wisdom of all religions. I can definitely, for sure, 100% say that what the United States has done in at least the last 20 year is violate everything sacred. I can also say that nothing that I have said is new or original, it's been said by thousands before me and it will be said by thousands after me. I am no prophet, my birth was not an auspicious occasion, I do not seek to be popular, or wealthy, or even anyone's friend. I only seek to tell you the truth like it should be, regardless of the cost or consequences. 

If I've learned anything in my readings it is at least that.

What I had really been searching for was a man of caliber and authority that could pick up this unlucky burden that I, a lowly Staff Sergeant, had been loaded with. A mentor who could guide me through the sea of sorrow and grief and helplessness and rage that sought to drown me in it's ever present hurricane. What I wanted is to just do the right thing, to be on the side of good.

I've shared many things seeking that solidarity with others but mankind is too blinded by the cellphones that they hold glued to their faces. I've had people tell me that they "don't support me" for one reason or another, when that's simply ego. I've been wronged by so many people, on so many levels. I've done nothing but right, been punished for the inadequacy of others and for things I've never done, things other's accuse me of. I've every right to be angry and upset. 

I've had my life threatened by a knife thrown at my head, the man intended to kill me, and he was released from jail with a Felony assault charge for 1/10th of mine, for yelling at city council. I have police stalk me every time I take my dog for a walk, and members of the local Crips along my path lying in ambush, waiting for a moment to strike. The individuals who convinced me to stand up to the City Council have abandoned me after I told them to take the pandemic seriously, and I found out that their idea of friendship was as fragile as their minds. 

Like I said before, Ratnearson, if any harm comes to me or anyone I love, I am placing the entire blame upon your head and I will bring this before the entire world and finally get justice. It is no longer a game, and I will place you on the "witness stand" so you can lie under oath and show everyone what a pathetic little ankle you are. 

I served my country loyally and faithfully and was betrayed. I brought serious and deadly issues before the whole world and was betrayed. I was betrayed by my own community, and I will be betrayed by my own Justice system, they've already shown us that they will not listen to reason or abide by the truth. I have to do nothing, because the only thing I'm guilty of is murder for the USA Military Industrial Complex. My punishment will only be a cursed stain upon the already soiled soul of the USA. 

That is not a myth, that is real.  And one day it will be Legend.

A Dance with Heartache

 I hope that in whatever voice you've been reading my works in that you come from a place of anguish and grief. The state of the world has been in flux for almost 20 years now, in our faces, and there is no longer any place to run. I've learned a lot in my short lifetime, and the more that I learn the heavier my heart grows. When I was younger I had the religion of the American Christian Church to guide me, but I've yet to meet any man as wise and compassionate as my Great Grandfather, and what it has transformed into today is an absolute abomination. 

I don't say this to discount any wisdom that is spared in their holy book. What has guided me through these last 15 years has been the books of Proverbs and Psalms, of which I would read through every month. One Proverb and 5 Psalms a day. And to escape the grisly reality of my work I would distract myself with World of Warcraft. It was the only way that I could override the nightmares. 

In a sense one could say I was addicted to escapism. I wanted to love myself and what I had done, but my peers were very immature and I had no one to commiserate my grief to. When I left the 3rd Special Operations Squadron, I had thought that I was going mad, and I was very angry about it. I gave them my very best and they squeezed me dry like a sponge. Never once, above my flight Officer leadership, did I ever encounter a man of integrity. 

Oh wait, I flew with LT. COL. DJ Turner of Operation Anaconda Fame. If you'd excuse me, sir, I'd like to tell this story now. I'm unsure if you remember it, but like every thing that I have been told that I consider wisdom I wrote on my heart, and I can now tell you that I understand what you were saying to me. You, I considered my Captain Jean Luc Piccard, and I pray you forgive me for taking your message to the extreme. 

See, reader, LT. COL. DJ Turner was a man who disobeyed a direct order to save the lives of men on the ground. I met one of them at a VA In-patient clinic, a man who had been a part of that team. It is for these men that I do what I do, done what I have done. These men showed me what honor and integrity were. These men are those that I consider true heroes. 

Captain Turner, I believe his rank was at the time, was an AC-130 pilot who placed his ship on the line so that a ground team could get out at a place now christened, Robert's Ridge. The rest of his crew got the Air Force Cross, while he got a reprimand. I won't go into the details, but one day I was sitting at the Mission Computer at the Nellis Predator Operations Center, building a mission when he sat down next to me and asked me how I was doing. I was admitted that I was tired and stressed, and that I'm unsure of why people were treating me poorly. He told me the story of Robert's Ridge from his point of view and finished with this, "Whatever it is that you do, make sure that it is the right thing, because there are a lot of people that will push you to do the wrong." He stood up, patted my shoulder, and left me to ponder that. 

I wonder what it is that he had been told about me that prompted him to say these things. I wonder a lot of things, namely why is it that people in my life keep trying to hurt me. I've done nothing but what I had been trained and instructed to do. Those that want to punish me, what's worse: the mistake, the covering up of the mistake, or the revealing of the mistake? I also wonder where are those people that hold themselves to that standard as now COL. (Ret) DJ Turner had. 

I can for sure say that it isn't a man like Ratnearson, whose wife is a Lawyer for Raytheon, the component of the military industrial complex that had the main contract for Drones when I was in the service. See, I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out what his beef with me is. Because it for sure ain't for disobeying a superior officer. As far as I could tell from the surface, we should have been best buddies. 

It wasn't until I did a background check on his wife that I uncovered the very thing that I needed. When that came across my view, all my struggle with him ceased. I was free, because his machinations were not motivated by a sense of honor, but simply another lump of shit spewed out by the Military Industrial Complex. 

But then his tabloid idiocy was used by my own city council to try to shut me up by throwing me in jail. They set the bail for $100,000, and my poor mother had to put up her retirement to get me out right before the covid wave hit the prison system. Now my life is threatened every day by local police forces, angry patriots, and even just idiots who want to be mad at something. I also apparently have the Crips and JSOC personnel wanting my life. 

Is my country, my home, overran by mafia? Why are we allowing our planet to be destroyed by profit? Why are we allowing people to destroy communities in our own neighborhoods for profit? Why does my own State need to fabricate charges against me? In order to shut me up? Then I'm just going to be louder and I have another platform to speak upon. 

So I'd like to thank everyone who has ever broken my heart, to include my diseased rat of a pest stalker. I'm just going to stand my ground, and let you prove to the world how despicable you really are. Upon this ground, I will dance.

The Seed of Hatred

 I must start this piece off that I'm writing this here, on a webpage that gets promoted by a guy who is unusually obsessed with me, shadowblocked by the government from any searches, and generally ignored by humanity, because my life is in danger by members of my own community and hometown. Wealthy members of my community have sought to ruin my reputation, throw me in jail, and make attempts on my life. The police circle me like vultures watching my every movement, waiting to pounce should I relax my self vigilance even a smidge. My city council is selling out my town to the highest bidder and forcing long time residents out. I am also sure that my very State has been corrupted and is seeking to prevent me from speaking out against the atrocities that I have witnessed.

But what everyone forgets is that I paid for my voice with blood, and that it is the very people that have sent me to war to murder for them that keep interfering with my personal life. My home newspaper is bought by the corporation. Social media is an algorithmic joke. And it seems that the members of my community that pushed me to speak out against the injustices we see are too weak to see the job through. I was their sacrificial lamb so that they could get vengeance against Nick Checota, a Wisconsinite douchebag who thinks that Missoula should be some giant music venue. His father was a huge fraud, selling faulty medical equipment and then being run out after a failed political venture. 

I come home to people playing games with taxes and everyone's money, stealing from future generations so they could have their bourgeoisie paradise. My country has failed me. It has failed the veteran community. It has failed the military members by violating their trust. 

Let's get this straight. I do not believe that most humans are inherently evil. I see that most are trapped between a rock and a hard place, a place worse than any slavery named thus far. We're forced to give our time and energy to conglomerates that would throw us away at the first sign of malfunction. We are forced to pay a middleman for our healthcare and forfeit the power to take care of ourselves. They tell us that anything like socializing or communing are evil, through social media and ritual communion. 

The United States has been infected by a thing worse than evil and that is stupidity.

Rick Rynearson, if anything should happen to my life or those that I love, I am placing the responsibility upon you for your false witnessing. Should anything happen in this lifetime I will see you before God in the next and be your accuser. May you have a long life to dwell on this, and may He have mercy on your soul.

I need not do anything to anyone. Karma will have the last say in it all. I will be in my heart.

***

This Story is about he 15th Reconnaissance Squadron Cotton Pickers, and certain members of her Good Ol' Boys club. If I have to get my Justice with them, I will have it within the annals of history, and I will make sure that they are cursed by my words for the rest of time. Let us begin.

***

I arrived in Las Vegas, Nevada 06 April, 2006. I was originally supposed to go to Beal, AFB in Northern California, but just by chance I was "chosen"... then the entire next 4 Classes were "chosen" as well. Though I didn't get that until later.

I was brought to my room by a black man with a thick mustache, fine leather jacket, and calmest but alert personality that I'd ever met. He was of the Tech Sergeant persuasion, and he gave me clear instructions to be at the bus stop at 0300 to learn the basics of squadron care and to be ready for the indoctrination brief at 0700 in the 11th RS Theater. I asked what it is that I would be tasked to do, and he told me that I'd be issued some flight suits, flight boots, and I'd learn exactly what the job would be. 

I had no idea that I would be flying drones. 

Michael Haas was a buddy of mine that I met in Technical School down at Goodfellow, AFB. I had gotten the callsign "Church" in basic Training. The big online video game at the time was Xbox's Halo. There was an online series called Red Versus Blue, which satirized the Military life through one of Halo's online player versus player maps. One of the main characters was named "Church" as well, and had terrible luck throughout the series. Between us it was an inside joke that he was "Caboose", Church's mentally struggling friend. We both were "picked" for the USA Drone Program though we had no idea. 

We met up with our friend B-Doff (nickname), and made our way to the theater not knowing what it was that we were about to see. Doff was a Metallica fan and started teaching himself guitar. Queue his excitement when Metallica's "One" starts playing before a series of bomb drops explode in force right in front of our eyes. Here is my TedX talk about it

I never talked to Doff about it, but Haas and I did not like what we were seeing. We both came from Christian backgrounds and both of us knew exactly what God and Jesus would have to say about what we just witnessed. We were told that our job was to "kill people and break things." We both decided to go to the commander to see if we could do something else. 

LT. COL. Gear was a pungent smear of a man. One could tell by looking at him that he had the soul of a thing that wished it was a snake. He had tasted the blood of men and loved it. When I went into his office to give him an honest display of my unease of the whole thing, he mocked me, threatened me with dereliction of duty, and a dishonorable discharge from service, which is considered worse than being a convicted felon in the United States. He must have seen the fury on my face for being trapped in the corner and he gutted me with this: "Are you a coward, Bryant?" "No," I replied. "You swore an oath to defend the Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic. Get out there and do your fucking job. Dismissed."

Of the handful of us that went to talk to the commander, only 2 stuck to their guns. I wish that I could remember their names, but I will always remember their actions. I believe that display of disobedience to the vileness that they saw is one of the most honorable things that I could have witnessed. They were mocked and degraded in front of the whole squadron and set to paperwork for the rest of their commitments. No tears were shed, they took it with pride. I know they had in their hearts right action. It is to them and those like them that military members need to look at and engage with. For the actions we take echo into eternity, and the warrior has only eyes on eternity. 

I, however, did the cowardly thing and tried to sabotage myself during training. I made sure that I knew everything about what we were doing, so I could make certain errors that would invalidate myself to continue. I pretended that my stick control was horrible and that my menu diving was erratic. The instructors must have had explicit orders to push me. A person with a record like I had wouldn't all of a sudden become stupid. I had no idea what to do, so I decided to be the best at it. If I was forced to participate I would put all my effort into it. 

My mother taught me to always give my best.

***

During this time, I was unsure of what squadron that I was going to be heading towards. It seemed that the 17th Recon Squadron and the 3rd SOS got the first pick of the litter, but would still choose more after graduation. My class time was delayed 3 times, so I did causal work around the squadron going up at the earliest bus with Haas, cleaning the latrines, the GCSs, the training rooms, and the break room. We made popcorn and the first pot of coffee of the day. 

One funny story is that I was berated by a Navy to USAF officer who wailed that my coffee was too weak. He taught me how to make "Navy coffee", where it was so strong you could stand a spoon up in it. I'm honestly surprised that none of the had a heart attack from it. 

Besides the existential dread that I would have to do something that I was not wholly on board to do, I had also started spending time with my peers in the dormitory. Here I am going to make the case to keep men and women separate in the service, and to also ban people from dating or sleeping with one another inside command structures. What I am about to tell you will make late 90s young adult dramas look like Sponge-Bob Square Pants. The pool of putrid vileness starts with one person.

Karen Ruth Daugherty, AKA, Bitchy McCrabbyPants. Curse her name, and may we meet before God one day so that she may be given the justice she deserves, and may she live long in embarrassment and shame for what she has done. 

When the Karen meme started to become popular I did everything I could to spread it. I will not take credit for all of it or starting it, but I will for spreading it to the far reaches of the internet. That it is referenced in the end of the new Borat movie is one of the heights of accomplishment, I'd say.

See, I didn't like her at first. I liked her friend Tracy. But Tracy liked her men dumb and spongy, and for some reason Karen had her eye on me while nearly every male in the dorms had their eye on her giant boobies. She even cheated on me with Haas over Thanksgiving 2006, or tried to, but I never wanted to hear the details. She wanted to get married after a month of dating and I wanted to wait a year. She lied to get out of the dorms, she lied to people about our relationship, she told people that I had "raped her," and I never once got justice. Just punishment. I never once touched her without her consent and I loved her when I was with her the best that I could. 

I did my best to try to figure out what happened. I didn't find out until 2009, when I had tried to join the 11th RS as an instructor and she, again, spread lies to prevent me from succeeding, and sent back to the 3rd SoS not knowing exactly what I had done to deserve the treatment. I went up my chain of command in 3 different squadrons and all I was told was that "I knew what I did, and until I came clean I would be punished for it." Lots of fucked up shit happened to me.

When I went to MSGT Joseph Lovato, he was too busy playing fantasy baseball and taking money from the younger Airmen in the squadron to give a flying fuck. This guy would be scheduled to fly, claim that he had too much office work, task Haas and I to fly his shifts, then take our hours from us. The good ol' boys club in the 15th only flew to keep their currencies so they could get flight pay, and they only flew the easiest missions available so they could either "study" or do fucking nothing. 

A few of the Airmen on the up-and-up would go and "volunteer" twice a week, and scheduling would give them the full day off. They'd go do an hour somewhere then go downtown to party and drink. One of the Airmen who graduated with me from the 11th had a sexual relationship with a married female master sergeant, and she would help give him better marks on this enlisted performance reports. 

Speaking of EPRs, MSGT Joseph Lovato gave me a 3 on my first one for no other reason that he, "didn't believe any Airman deserved more than a 3 for their first EPR." My second one, done by boring Sergeant Robert SNOOR of the 3rd SoS while I was deployed was a 2 (non-referal), not signed by me or my commander, and placed within the system without due cause. He was best friends with Bitchy McCrabbyPant's former husband at the time and had decided to take it upon himself to ruin my career. He belittled me, degraded me, humiliated me. Everything a bad leader would do. Both of them were absolute garbage human beings and a disgrace to anyone who had ever served and will ever serve. Cut from the same filthy cloth as Rynearson. Putrid spirits who never pulled their weight and abused their power. 

Right before I deployed I started receiving messages over a website called "MySpace" from somebody named "InfernalDarkness". They kept telling me how they wish that I die and that they hope that an insurgent chops off my head. I tried to respond a few times to figure out who it was, but then ended up calling them a coward and telling them to fuck off. Very similar in writing styles to Rynearson's tabloid blog, full of contradiction and hate. 

Eventually, I believe, since they couldn't get a response from me they started sending those things out to other people in the squadron. I was only called up into the office of the First Sergeant because that group was accusing me of sending those to them. I showed him the ones that had been sent to me weeks prior to the ones he showed me and he told me to ignore it and to not respond. 

In February of 2007, before Valentines Day, was the incident where I killed a child and MSGT Joseph Lovato told me to just write it off as a dog like the screener said. That weekend I tried to go out with the drama kids, and to try to make it up and be friends again with McCrabbyPants, but at the end of the night she told me that "she never loved me, she always hated me, and that she wished that I would just die. She used me to get over her ex." Then when I left the car in silence and shame, she played the victim to the rest of them. 

That was when the seeds of hate took root and I swore that I would get justice before God for what was done.

In May 2007, an event happened called the "patch-swap". 7/10ths of the 15th Recon Squadron was simply given a 3rd SOS patch, and all the equipment was transferred over to JSOC. I could get into the details of how much of a mess this was but I'll just keep it simple. Pretty much every document and video was errased and or thrown into the fire. I know because that was what they tasked me to do. The 15th enlisted leadership felt this was a way to start over, by just taking the Good Ol' Boys club they really took few people who had the work ethic to do the job. Another reason they took so long to restart themselves, because they floundered at the simplest tasks. 

I deployed to an uneventful summer, where I would cry on top of the Hardened Air Shelter nearly every dusk because I felt so alone and trapped. When I came back to Las Vegas, and into the welcoming arms of the 3rd SOS, Karen Ruth Daugherty had spent my absence trying to ruin me. She would cry if she had to give a brief and I was in the room. People would say the worst things about me while I was there as if I was not. Another Shithead Sergeant, Yugi Smith, yelled at me when my had was blown away in the wind and I didn't chase after it in order to get to the brief in time. When he saw my name tag, his exact words were, "oh, I heard about you. Everyone says you're a piece of garbage airman. 

I never got a chance to prove myself. To them, I just was because they couldn't take their eyes off a woman's chest. 

the dragon

Everyone likes to socialise on social media but when it comes to socialism to take care of another somehow that rootword takes on different meaning. 

We conserve our finances for a rainy day, we conserve our energy for moments of action, but when it comes to conservativeism more is wasted than is saved. 

We want our liberties to go to our libraries while carrying our guns and smoking our favoured herb, but when it comes to liberalism we lose more of our self responsiblities than gain. 

We must not confuse words or ideals for action. Any idiot can make any stupid claim they want, but it is only through evidence and action do we come to truth. I think I have done more and shown myself to be a true man, regardless of what anyone feels of my expression of pain. The USA government gave me that pain. The USA government has lied to its people and will turn against anyone who tries to keep it on the straight and narrow. The USA government is only an institution and is ran by man. It is a system that needs to have it's gutters cleaned every so often. Present Thomas "jungle fever" Jefferson gave the recommendation that it happen every 10 years. Present Lincoln said that, "once the people get weary of their right to amend the constitution, they'll use they're revolutionary right to start again."

For the last 8 years I have travelled much of the world and have spoken to well over a million people, with my work reaching countless more, and will for centuries to come, whether I will or no. I have sought only for people to see the truth and have only spoken truth for the betterment of all that I have ever done. 

I don't understand why the are so many humans that have tried to hurt me further. The same people who should have my reverence and praise for teaching me wisdom and action. If I were to guess the meaning behind this, is that those with ulterior motives have gained too much power,  and that the vast majority of those who serve in the government are simply unwilling pawns with no safe avenue of escape.

"Damned if you do, damned if you don't," one veteran who still works for special forces told me recently. There are many who are on my side, he said a lot more than I realize when I responded that I feel like I've just been alone he said, "you're still alive, yes?"

It was a very sobering talk, and probably one I needed to have 5 years ago. 

He said that everyone's livelihood is in the hands of a few who have a stranglehold on the entire community. 

So in my future posts I shall be sharing what the 3rd Special Operations Squadron Dragons inherited from the 15th Recon Squadron "Cotton Pickers" (Seriously their mascot, or was when I was in). And a very very serious look into the leadership structure that ended up being the sword plunged into the warrior spirit. 

The individuals I worked with in JSOC gave me my heart back after the members of the 15th gossip girls tried to ruin me over a lie. In fact, it was Donna Mae Williams who I flew with for months, and a select others, who saved me from that trash. Light Col. CALTAG gave me the opportunity to prove myself, even though the enlisted trash he was fed placed me in a very negative light. And everyone in the 3rd knows how hard I worked. I was the first MAC qualified sensor from my class. I was the first to volunteer to deploy and fire a hellfire missile. I was the first dual qualified sensor oppressor/ mission controller, who was competent enough to fly on my own. I was the first to break 6000 hours in 4 years, I had 36 aerial achievement medals whose stringent requirements is no where near the reflection of my dedication.

I am the 300th Dragon of the 3rd Special Operations Squadron and I will forever be that even if you've removed my name from the plaque. I dealt with so much bullshit that it was only eventual that this was going to come out. I am the greatest thing that squadron will ever produce. I earned my rank of Staff Sergeant, and I embody the fury of every sergeant who has witnessed the gross incompetence that I have. 

Duty is forever in one's heart. Who taught me duty better than the 3rd SOS? Who instructed me to always be honest? The brits and JSOC. 

Conventional air force guys would say things like, "that's not the real air force." Or, "do as I say not as I do." Bullshit. Lazy fucking bullshit. 

Killing me won't get rid of this stain upon the USA military's honor. Silencing me will only make me louder.  Intimidating me will only bring you fear. 

Return with honor. That was the final thing JSOC taunt me. I intend to do exactly that.

In the spirit of Servitude

 In our modern day USA, we thank murders for their service while degrading the grief that they carry. I think in all my journey I have wanted my warrior brothers and sisters to share in my grief. That we all shared this grief. 

If that is true then the USA is full of whatever is the opposite of warrior. I had once thought my disgust and horror at our actions would disappear but they have only grown in depth and width to drown out everything in scope. 

I have submitted myself to the highest of courts in the world to bring light to my own actions. I have born witness to nothing else. I don't give a flying fuck about anything else. I murdered for the USA government, I have earned my right to speak with the price of blood. Those in my city council that are afraid that I would do "physical harm"... grow the fuck up. I yelled at you because you're fucking disgusting and you lack discipline and fairness in your work. You are servants of MINE, as an average citizen of the united states, who served with honor for 8 years, who EARNED the rank of Staff Sergeant dispite all your fucking petty meddling, I who spilt blood in my service do get to yell at you when your actions have violated my home. 

I should have known that in the spirit of tradition the American Government would fail even somebody who was, and is, as loyal as I am. Not once, despite all the misery I've been put through, have I changed my course. I would rather burn America to the ground and see what her people build from the ashes than give the power that we wield over to tyrants and monsters.

You forget that I'm the consumate warrior, and that I am fair in all my judgements and dealings. I have to be to adhere to the spirit of Justice and Battle. For that reason alone I have placed the proverbial ball in the court of the lowest kind, so that we may see that they were never there to help anyone, especially one so faithful of a servant as I have been. 

If I were to tell my son anything when he got older, it would have been this; "you will always serve something, it might as well be something greater than yourself. That doesn't mean needless sacrifice, but the attunement of your will, power, and energy to be most efficient to encounter the problems that society faces today."

In light of all that has been happening in the world, we need leaders who choose that. My drill sergeants were the greatest men that I had ever met in the military. I think about them and the words that they gave me all the time. "Lead, Follow, Get out of the way!" "Integrity first, service before self, and excellence in all we do."

But mostly I think about the times they pulled me aside and told me to pay attention, especially to the bad leaders, because they'll show you how it is not to be done. 

I remember specifically a tale of two master sergeants in the 15th recon squadron. One of them was my morally bankrupt supervisor and another one would call an "unassuming man." One day we were in the break room waiting to go into the briefing, and the unassuming one started vacuuming like it was his normal thing. My newly appointed MSGT dickwad supervisor stood up and "made an example" of all the young airman in the room for "making" a master sergeant vacuume. 

Now, I understand the level of manipulation that goes on in the military, but from my perspective, I have more respect for the MSGT that vacuumed without a word and showed me through his actions what was to be done, than the idiot who expected everyone to obey his every whim. From there, if we look at the military's Enlisted Force Structure, the Unassuming Warrior did exactly his duty, which consists of nothing more than responsibilities added to his Airmanship. 

From here, I have to caveat, that I'm going to reveal a lot of JSOC not out of spite, but because it inherited a lot of garbage from the Conventional guys trying to suck dicks to get promotions. Here I will be revealing no mission details, but more of the culture that plagued the drones and will to it's bitter end. 

For one, it created a pretender like Ratnearson, somebody who has shown a moderate amount of effort simply to discredit a man who cries about murder. I'm unsure if I have to spell that out for anyone, whether it will be in the court of law or otherwise, I was betrayed by my country, I never betrayed it. I say that as somebody who wanted to believe the lies they told me. Those that say that I had a choice, there are many who say otherwise. If I say that I had a choice, I chose the path of cowardice instead of the path of my heart. I submitted to their rule and authority, not unquestioningly, but undoubtedly for sure. 

If what I have to say is detrimental to the USA, then they should have thought about that before destroying another generation of our strongest individuals in an endless and worthless war. 

My drill sergeants told me that the military was a dictatorship protecting a democracy. I've thought a lot about that over the years, and I've come to another conclusion. The military needs to be a kingship protecting a democracy. 

I say kingship because that's the only words that I have to describe the level of discipline that I hold my military leadership to. Or did, at any rate. I held them up to the highest standards, and even in the ancient classes of laborer, merchant, scholar, and warrior, the warrior class was also the class of kings. To face death like we have is to laugh in the face of false rulers. That's why the law doesn't matter. Any idiot can make a rule to imprison another idiot. Warriors are only concerned with eternity.

The disgusting slime that make up my city council are simply another reflection of the greater problem. My only concern with their blood is that they live long enough to see true justice, even if that means living forever. I am unconcerned with religion, I am unconcerned with the law. I am unconcerned with the destruction that mankind faces, because really all this is a making of our own endeavor. 

The solution to all of it is obvious. The only way forward is for the veteran community to rise up to their place in leadership of our society, instead of being a broken clump of nothings doing whatever dog duty that we're told. We are not dogs in the dark. We are men, and we should be acting like it. 

Any idiot can kill another idiot. I'm not interested in being an idiot again, thank you. But I will be loud as fuck just to piss you off.

How many messengers must god send before you stop killing them?

The Full Reveal

 "Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what they've done."

Revelations 22:12

Holy Bible

Abrahamic Faith, Branch: Christianity, Modern Day

***


I think it is time that I start expanding on the truth that I have born witness to in my lifetime. But first there is something that I must come clean about. 

Many of my posts on social media have been nothing more than to directly antagonize a man who has violently stalked me since 2014. I never would have realized that the members of my own community and government would use a false testimony of a man who has never met me, and claims to know me through his obsessive viewing of my personal interviews. Up until I spent time in jail because of this man, it was mostly a game for me. A way for me to express my anger at an individual who represents all the bad qualities of every senior leadership that I've ever had. A man who is cowardly by nature, a gossip, and an endangerment to others because he places his own ego first before the consideration of truth or justice. 

A man who I will see in the witness stand give this false testimony in front of God and the entire world.

Something that I'd never really thought I'd have to say. 

Since leaving Jail my life has been in constant danger. Police stalk me as I walk my dog, follow if I'm in a vehicle, and have most likely kept surveillance of me since standing up to the bullies who have taken over my town and made it too expensive to live. The court prosecutor, Matt Jennings, should be disbarred for using my stalker's tabloid blog as his own findings, purposely seeking to damage my terrible reputation. 

If you can't tell I don't care about my reputation, all I care about is the truth and justice. I know that the only thing that I've ever done wrong in this lifetime is to pull that trigger. I was a good Christian boy until they told me that god wanted me to do it. And that wasn't the God that my great grandfather told me about. 

I know in my heart that I was always meant to be a warrior and a priest, but I cannot call what I participated in the military as anything close to warriorship, and when I tried to step into that world my anxieties and guilt crushed my will to go on and the emotional burden gave me a glimpse into hell. I'm unsure of what happened the week of my injury. I gave it my best and I wish they would have let me die in that hospital. I'm sorry, JSOC, but you may have done a disservice by letting me live with that guilt and the hatred for the scum you have let among your ranks. I guess I feel like I was lied to. I wanted to believe in all my heart in the mission, the fight. I committed the Art of War to heart for you. Of course, my pilots would admonish me for "being a philosopher." 

When I went to Norway I went to connect with my ancestor's gods. I never told anyone this, because mythology is so looked down upon my many people in my journey. I tell it now because this is important to discuss before Samhain. 

I am the Last and Only Living priest of the God Tyr. I did the old rituals. I called the old magics. I was filled with the spirit of Justice and Battle. My blood burned and my soul burst. My son's mother almost poisoned my spirit. The pain my heart has endured.... 

And the pain it will endure. I know it. I think that it is this spirit that has protected and guided me through everything I've done. I say this now because as my previous blog, a Joint Special Operations Command knife was thrown at me. It has the engraving "So That Others May Live," engraved on the blade. The Pararescue motto. JSOC has put a hit out on my life. The ones that really taught me everything. The ones that taught me to "Return With Honor." What I have been seeking all along. 

I have told the truth in every bit of publication I have given my consent to. I believe that the path of right action is the only way to go. In order to get into a place of silence we need to loudly address the injustices of the world. The only way for JSOC and the military to gain their honor back is to never let themselves be used for political gain. The Way of the Warrior dictates that battle can only be met honorably if the leaders who send one to battle are righteous. To be sent into battle by unrighteous men, even if the soldiers have righteous hearts, is a sentence to whatever hell awaits one in the afterlife. To take any life is murder, no matter the cause. 

Now we have a government who lets their own people die, and blames them for it. Keeps them in abject poverty instead of adhering to the responsibility of taking care of those who have been put under their charge. The political leadership of both the Democrats and the GOP is goddaweful and needs to be dismantled immediately. 

Here is what I'm calling for. I don't think that the American People has what it takes to make a revolutionary change that will be beneficial for all. I think the police are corrupt and the politicians are tyrants holding on to whatever scraps of power they can by exercising arrests of free men and women everywhere. 

There needs to be a military coup. If everything that JSOC taught me was true, honor, integrity, justice, then this is the only way to for the military to redeem themselves. I will go into detail about why. Donald Trump and his entire cabinet needs to be arrested and placed under military arrest. Same goes with Wallstreet and all the Lobbyists that work for corporate interests. Since corporations are now people, the individuals that are their CEOs, that have placed profit over the welfare of the people and government should be arrested and tried as well. Then we go with Senior Democratic and Republican leadership, for betraying this country to the highest bidder. 

Here is why this needs to happen and the process that will go along with it. 

Without the US Military's help, her people are vulnerable. Veterans are not getting the care they need, the entire VA is a joke. There are great people inside it, but the system that they are forced to collide with every day is meant to help the veterans as little as possible. Sun Tzu says in the Art of War that no country ever gained victory from fighting a protracted war. Our warriorship has been betrayed by the merchant and political classes.

The Tyranny that we are told about being overseas only waited until the Strong men and women were gone to those imaginary fights. They have taken the technology that was created to protect our troops in battle and now subjugate their own people with it.  The police, whom I had always trusted growing up, has now been infiltrated by mobsters and criminals. A gang unto themselves. 

I love honorable guards. That's what I used to think of the police as, Knights patrolling the kingdom. I was an idealist as a child. I never feared  a thing because I had thought all the terrible things were history and fiction. I remember when my sister's father went to war in the Gulf War, I remember people saying that we won it so fast that there would never be a war again. We showed how superior our might was. 

It was the police at home that kept the peace. But as I've grown up and realize is that the police forgot discipline and duty. Not to the Law, anyone can make up rules, but to the protection of all in the community, especially the weak and those that couldn't fight for themselves. I would rather have bored guards that are paid well to maintain their discipline than busy guards who make shit up to do because they're disgruntled with life. It was lazy police officers that jump to conclusions and have given me terrible times. I believe with better detective work, that the protectors of my community would have been on my side, that those that seek to represent justice are doing so. 

Is that too much to ask? To be better? 

Do you know what Enlightenment or Revelation is? Simply a reveal of yourself. That's it. To see yourself fully and unjudgementally. To understand yourself, and to be the best representative of that self, wherever you go. It's really not hard. What is that Self? It is no thing, but it produces the most wonderful things that you will never find a molecule of. Love, Mercy, Justice. These things are uniquely ours to give. 

So how are they measured? They are measured by intelligence, emotion, and intuition. We all know when we've been wronged or when we've wronged somebody. There are many time's it's unintentional, and I think that too many people care about other's personal opinions of themselves. Which is one of the reasons that I will always win against my stalker rat because he really cares about my opinion of him. Really the only reason that I will win against anyone in my stance for justice because I stand for Truth and nothing but the Truth, so help me, God.

I also encourage others to take a good look at themselves. I don't speak from a very high platform. I'm guilty of murder. I just know what I've done and I've done everything in my power to bring me peace with it. 

Right now I sleep like a baby and I've never felt better. However, the pain in my heart has never disappeared. It's like a permanent wound in my soul. The darkness is gone, purged in the fire of the old world, but the broken heart has never healed. That's why I can never take a leadership position in anything nor accept any measure of power. I've done everything I can to distance myself from everything but the truth. 

The truth is this. I am furious at what has gone on in my country. That I have been lied to, harassed, stalked, and violently attacked for trying to do the right thing. The manipulation of my heart has been astounding, and I leave everyone with what they have taken. All debts are forgiven. All trespasses are forgiven. I know that I will not get justice in my own home town. It is too corrupt and the people have proven to me to be too few and too cowardly, too weak. 

That is why the military has to step up and restore their honor, and have the discipline to step down and hand the government over to the People when those that have abused their power have been arrested and charged with treason of the highest order. We need warriors who are the greatest servants to humanity that it has ever known. And that is to come home and fight for your people. We need you. All your veteran brothers and sisters need you. Otherwise the fall of America will be too great to recover from. 

Assaulted

 Today, 20 September 2020, I was assaulted with an open thrown knife into my moving vehicle at 70 miles an hour. The knife tumbled and hit me in the head above my left ear, handle side first, leaving an egg sized lump and several scratches. The perpetrator in question is currently in jail. 

I was pulling out of a gas station in Stevensville, MT, going north bound on highway 93. Less than a mile later, a large black pickup truck speeds by going at least 90 in a 70. I look in my mirror to see an F150 doing slalom with the cars on the road, and when he gets to me I give him the thumbs up, he gives me the finger, I give him the finger back. He decides that we need to fight and starts yelling at me while throwing shit out his car. I roll down my window to tell him off and he throws the knife at me. He then passes me, gets to the next light, gets out of his vehicle and comes at me like he is going to break my door window. I drive around him, while I'm on the phone with the Sheriffs department, and head on down. He follows me for a short way then decides to turn around.

The only lesson I learned from this is that I hate bullies even more and I want true justice in this world. 

So for those that have harmed me, I'm coming for you. I will not have Vengeance. I will have Justice.  

UPDATE: After a felony assault charge he was only in jail for a short period of time.

...Assemble!

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."

— Kurt Vonnegut

"Good is not who you are, it is what you do."
— Kamala Khan

***

I have just finished the main campaign of the new Marvel Avengers Game on my PlayStation4. Having spent this quarantine in mostly isolation has given me a lot of time to just focus on reassembling my life, I've spent a lot of that time reconnecting with the stories of my childhood, the ones that inspired me to stand up against the evil forces that I've encountered in the world. We humans tell ourselves many stories in our day to day lives. Much of what we believe about the world, is in fact, imaginary. 

Don't worry, all of us do it. Hardly any of us know why we are here, and most of us feel it's for more than to simply suffer existence. Some of us have been told that we are separate from god, born into sin, yadda ya, etc, etc, and for those of us that have dug deep into that, we find an empty hole on the other side, and the spiritual food little more than baby food, unfit for the spirit of a mature being. Hardly anyone can make any progress in the spiritual realms because survival in the physical realms isn't governed by fairness and honor. 

If we look at the modern iteration of the Church, it's just as backwards as it was in the days of their messiah figure. The government and military that I had served danced their illusions in front of my face and I fell for them as sure as anyone else did. There are many ways to be led astray, and none of the institutions in place are doing their best to do otherwise. The press, pulpit, politicians, scientists, schools, military, corporations... all vying for our attention pulling us asunder, creating pressures we've hardly known in our history. 

I've done the best that I could. I never wanted power, because I know that power corrupts. I never wanted wealth, because I know it would have been dishonorable to profit from the experiences Death has given me. As well as, the responsibility of wealth is not mine in this lifetime. I feel like I've done my part, like many men and women have in the past, share a deep warning to a society treading the wrong path, and like many others, ignored. I always searched for people to share the responsibility of doing good. My experiences have been wholly unique, and to be honest, the trials absurd, as how do you deal with a 45 year old male stalker whose entire basis for not liking you is his "gut feeling." The police certainly didn't do anything when he was threatening me under many different pseudonyms, terrorizing my social media, followers and friends. Yet, they threw me in jail because the idiot claims he knows something about me from his stalking my online profiles. 

When I told people that we were doing, they tried to make the issue about my character, but there is a reason my callsign was Church. They got me to fall in love and they broke my heart, stealing the very thing that I wanted most in my life. There are so many devious and stupid people in the world that it strikes me as odd that all of them believe that they will get away with it. I don't believe that justice will ever come to me in this lifetime, and really don't believe that there is justice in this world other than a concept that we have to strive for and that most people throw around indiscriminately. 

If god does exist and will judge us for what we have done, I do not believe he will have mercy on their souls. They will be as described in their biblical texts as that which produces bad fruit will be thrown into the fire. I have nothing but pity for these creatures, for they are less than men. Betrayers of the Brotherhood of Mankind. For them I can only weep. 

I have given everyone that has crossed my path a chance to treat me well. I do not go looking for fights, I have only simply done what I've been instructed to do my whole life and that is to use my own judgement to do what is right. No entity in existence can take that from me. Even though I did horribly wrong by allowing myself to be manipulated into murder for the US Government, I still, in the end of all things, did what is right. It was horribly painful. 

It destroyed my heart, mind, body, and spirit. All I had to offer was the best of myself, of which I gave, and to which the worst in mankind sought to tarnish. Rat Fatnearson, my stalker, could have been one of the good guys. He was given every opportunity to stand by what is right and he just, the fuck if i know, he just did his own vigilante bullshit. Where we could have been standing up against corporations corrupting the US Military and murdering across the world, he decides to spend all his time and effort to try and discredit me. It breaks my heart. I found out recently that his wife works/ed for Raytheon, Monsanto, and other mega corps. Which is why I get to dismiss everything about him because he's a toon. 

I recently had another experience, where a "brother" of mine sent me a terrible message after I told him and his idiot sidekick to wear a fucking mask and to take the contagion seriously. I felt like I wanted to break his legs to remind him what it was like to be in pain. It was like all the pain that I have ever felt in all my experiences was welling to the surface and he was the focus of my laser wrath. 

Then I realized that he was just another manipulator and liar, like so many others. It wasn't worth my time or energy. I once tried to beg, I once tried to fight, I've done many things to try to fix relationships, and this one is just another one I have to let go. Every time I invite somebody into my circle I always have this Spongebob and Patrick best friend forever montage play through my head. It hurts when I find that I'm simply deluding myself. 

But through this process, I've remembered my deepest self and I have come into greater peace within me. While I read the stories of heroes and those that are stepping up to be those heroes, I could never be more than a mountain man just trying to save his own soul. 

If there are heroes out there. I wish you the best of luck, and may the Force be with you. 

Ponderance of the Small

I think that this time alone during the quarantine has been the best blessing I could have ever asked for. It's been like a universal "time-out" from the strange absurdity that life became for a moment. A great deal of breathing room, and reconnecting with some of the reasons that I enjoy life. A remembrance of what life truly means.

I've been working on a few things that are all seeming to run together, and then wondering if it is all even worth it. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, history will be on my side and all it should paint me as is a man who tried to remind us of some old fashioned values before we consumed the world in blood and fire. As far as I'm further concerned, I earned my rank as a Staff Sergeant in the USAF, was officially discharged as, and the only thing I'm really proud of achieving in the military. I worked my ass off after being sabotaged by "office drama". I was one of the best workers that they ever had in the drone community, and they know it. One of the reasons that I have no fear of the consequences of my actions is because I've literally done nothing but tell the truth. And it is better to face that truth now, instead of then. Otherwise our legacy as a nation will be one of histories greatest jokes.

I've heard it said that those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it, and those that read history are doomed to watch it repeat. I honestly don't know what anyone really expects my part to be. All of this Whistleblower stuff came about by almost complete accident. Like, I was the fly on the wall of the most inner actions of all military operations. I have no idea what was decided behind closed doors. I was just the atomic tip of the spear. The vision to where the spear must be poked into. The will to which once that spear is released places it to where it needs to go. And I was treated very poorly by my military leadership. What has happened is the consequence of the organization of the United States Air Force in mismanagement of it's core values. Of saying one thing then doing another, training people to value "integrity, service, and excellence", then betraying those values in themselves.

I don't look upon my time in the drone program with any sort of pride other than the amount of work I put in and how well I did it even though I hated doing it every day. I wasn't even afraid to tell people of it. I really really told people, every fucking day I was in how much I hated drones. When I first got into the program, I told the commander of the 11th TRS that I didn't sign up for a job to hunt and kill people and he called me a pussy and a coward, then belittled 2 people in front of the entire squadron for claiming to be conscience objectors. I do not and will never ever glorify anyone whatsoever who was with me in the drone program either. I was shoved into the program because of my moderately high achievements, and my miraculous ability to retreat inward because I couldn't handle the belittlement.

I could handle being yelled at for my mistakes. Basic Training was easier than Wrestling Camp. I couldn't handle belittlement of my character because of something I could hardly express in words but felt strongly of. He got me on the Oath part, I know the power of oaths and the word. My grandfather told me that the only thing a man has of worth is his word, and if you cannot fulfill it then you have no worth. I did my duty with diligence despite the office drama and slovenly politics involved. I don't know how else to express it. I don't know what anyone expected of me.

I can tell you what I expected. I expected my "brothers and sisters" to realize the dishonor that we bring upon our selves in the partaking of the actions involving the war on terror. I realize that I'm not rich or famous, and I don't intend to be. But I have direct experience and knowledge of the deep set of morals that are violated through the use of this technology and the mindset that runs behind it. All I can do is hold up the mirror of truth in front of us and have you look directly into it. I can't change your mind of how you see it or what you accept in what you see, I just have to shine a light and show you the mirror.

In the little brown book the USAF gave me called the "enlisted force structure" it says in the opening paragraph that each rank is not a discarding of the responsibilities of the previous rank but in addition to. It was the thing that saved me in the arguments I had with a few of my supervisors and those higher ranking individuals who found themselves in the program using the younger airmen to make their lives cushy office day jobs so they can spend time with their families and have their base social activities.

Let's not forget the time that I spent 4 months of flying in the year 2009, with no days off because my supervisor at the time "just felt like it." Let's not forget the time when my dog was stolen and I showed up to work in tears and I was told that if I went to go search for my dog I would be reported as AWOL and that I should just forget about it. Let's not forget the time my leave to go say goodbye to my great grandfather, on his deathbed, was take away because they "let too many people go on leave and he isn't immediate family so he's not important." Let's not forget the fact that I treated pretty much everyone kindly regardless of how they treated me. So I will never sing the praises of anyone with whom I worked with, but I will remain silent on what their characters were to me. Your embarrassment can be your own.

There is a quote from Gandalf that I really love, "Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps because I am afraid, and he gives me courage." In my reflections of how my life has gone these last 13 years, I would definitely say that it has been the smallest things that guided me through to where I've been. I've had my own misadventures, like a certain hobbit from the Shire, and maybe not as great a deed as he had for himself, one that was more real than any book could explain.

All I've done, really, is take responsibility for my own deeds, and tried to explain the struggles and changes these interactions have had on me. What I've tried to do is warn people of the consequences of our actions if we don't take that responsibility head on. This goes beyond fable, this goes beyond mythology, or theory, this is direct in-your-face experience and reflection. This isn't about ego, it's about reaping what you sow. So, no, I will not be the leader in any sort of movement or face of any sort of campaign. I have played my part in the world stage, and I really desire nothing further in it. I did everything I did to find peace in my soul, which I have, I didn't come to save the world. Who would want to save our wretched society? I will separate myself from it as much as possible so that when everything does fall apart I will not fall to karma's scythe.

In every era of history there are people that warn the world societies and the societies rarely listen. It seems that we're of the category of not listening. The smallest and least of us are treated horribly. The wealth of our country is paid with the blood of innocents. The debt of the nation is placed upon our children and our children's children's children. We've the sick and tired and hungry and have done nothing to comfort them. We dishonor the spirit of Liberty, Freedom, and War for the sake of the comfort of a few.

Look upon yourself, America, and weep for lost potential, despoiled by evil men who parade about in the Emperor's New Clothes, under the banner of religion and false prosperity. Who have led the world to war and ruin simply to pad their own pockets with wealth. Look upon what we have brought forth since our birth. I weep for you, for the lies you had me believe. You could have been the chosen one, but instead, you're retarded. I mean that in the most derogatory of senses. As in a plant that was given poison instead of nutrients and still grew, but not to it's potential. As in a child not learning discipline and self-control then given the powers of an adult. But who is to promote your growth if not yourself? With media in our faces every day, and the ability to have direct-live information fed to you, can we make that leap of faith in maturity? Can we finally be everything that we can be and more, because we have the power to simply do it? Turn my weeping from sorrow and grief to joy and exultation. Let me be a witness to your humbling and rise, instead of your crumbling and fall. Help us, oh Spirit of America the Beautiful. Save us from ourselves.

Easter Review

As we come upon the Easter Holiday, once a tradition of Mother Earth bringing forth to life again at the turn of the season, now a tradition of worshiping the killing of the Youngest Son of God meant to redeem mankind for his bloodshed and subsequent resurrection, I've given a lot of thought to the perversity that has run rampant through mankind. I spent the first 16 years of my life ignorant to the ways of man, and the next 16 years trying to deeply understand whether a person can correct those horrible mistakes made in that ignorance. Is the story supposed to bring us joy or remorse for making him pay for the sins of mankind?

I honestly find the whole story terrifying, demonic, in fact, that there is so much focus on death in the modern Christian Church. Instead of pointing fingers let me just tell the story as how I see it.

At somewhere in the world's religious history, there came about some sort of messiah or chosen one that would redeem mankind for some sort of super-sin, or unspeakable behavior that somehow taints the soul within all mankind. It greatly disturbs me to see many people focused on the things said in "prophecy" that says this guy is the messiah, rather than the teachings he espouses, and also instead of focusing on this guys teachings they await his return as some super hero straight out of the comic book movies that has entranced our society for almost a decade. As if just believing in a thing let's one behave like a fool discarding the very mind that our creation processes have given us.

This covid-19 virus has certainly come at an interesting time. Here it is that I wish to convey to anyone of any faith, religion, belief, understanding, or creed, as somebody who has had direct exposure to pretty much every layer of our society as some sort of paraded witness to the lost virtues given to us through a particular school of thought or belief, that these are mere stories and they hold a tremendous power over the hearts and souls of mankind. I can't even say that placing them into the realm of mythology hasn't given them any less power but greatly increases Man's ultimate understanding of himself. But only leads me to more questions than any solid answer.

Why is it that we have a Church that celebrates the murders of God's messengers before making them saints? Why is it they celebrate the killing of the Son of God on the day of Celebration of the Season of Birth in Nature? I'm honestly terror stricken when I think about the gross display of what I had learned early in life as demonic. In my interactions with members of my previous community, and members of the Dying God's Church, I'm in shock that they don't recognize the eating of the bread and drinking of the wine as the body and blood of "Christ" as purely necromantic as you can get. Transubstantiation is what they call it. According to all the ancient texts that I have read and all the stories that I've been told, that's demonic ritual. I don't care if it produces actual magical results, the practice of it, even just going through the motions of it, is the ritual part, and in ritual practice: demonic.

Even the reactions of the rich are completely anti-Christian as you can get and they run the western world, publicly claiming practitioners of Christ's teachings but certainly they're as ungenerous as one can get, staking the actual lives of people for the digital footprint of a dollar. Where in the Bible does Christ say that's cool? My aunt tells me that people just read Christ's teachings differently, but never have I seen such disregard for his actual words. In jail I reread them, the first time since leaving the Christian faith in 2009, and openly doing so since 2013. I remember really liking Jesus as a dude, and believing him and I could be friends growing up. Even though I turned my Way towards the Tao (which means Way), doesn't mean that I liked the man any less. He spoke of the Way, the Truth, and the Light as a means to self discovery. Even though the spice of the details was purposely put in to detract from the meat, the actual substance of the teachings are still profoundly wonderful. While I was in jail I remembered the conversations I'd have with my grandfather on what He would mean by what had been said.

Just like the Baghavad Gita sang to me in my first readings, so did these once again. I pictured my grandfather teaching me about the scriptures once again and me seeking those video games and books that echoed his platitudes of facing the demons of the world because King David walked with God, Christ showed us how to walk with God, my great-grandfather walked with God. But in my own walk I have felt that I have been further from God and I've tried to seek him again through everything. When I was younger I walked blindly into the military because of misplaced faith in the words that had been given to me.

I'm unsure who God really is, only that it's the highest supreme absolute thing that I could think of, which is All things, including us, so I'd very much like to meet the thing that did engender us and bring us into this cosmos. Why are we murdering ourselves and taking pleasure from it? Why do we not spend Easter in Grief that those wicked men murdered "God's only begotten Son" instead of just celebrating his "rebirth". I feel that we forget about those that killed the Christ all survived and probably set watch for his "prophesied" return. That's why they celebrate his death, under the guise of the "rebirth." But in that same sense we have the "death sandwich" which is Birth, death, "rebirth", much like the Tarot deck places Death, the card of transformation, into the center as the 13th in the Manor Arcana.

I find that as I study more and more of the poetic and mystical portions of the Old Faiths I find them incredibly different in degree they are from the monothiestic traditions of that one Desert Tribe. For some reason, they developed a person that was going to save them and prove to the world that they're the best, better than anyone else, and punish those that didn't believe in the supremeness of their own lord. With the stories and persecution that these people have experienced, it sounds like the mentality of an abused child wanting rescuing from their abusers. Which is understandable, I've directly seen the destruction one society can do to another through war and the searching for a way to fight back against your oppressors.

I fear they have been puppets used by the Church because it is the mentality of a slave's god. The belief that somebody is going to come and rescue you in your desperate time of need, is indeed a slave's mentality. We wonder why Christianity caught on so wonderfully in the South of the United States, it was because Christ offers sanctuary from the pain that you are experiencing beyond the physical and that the he can set you free. But on this earth you shall obey your masters and not permit a woman to teach over you, hear?

I've spent a lot of time criticizing my old religion and pursing what is actual truth, these last few years. People have criticized me for revealing what I've done and making up a wide array of my own degree of weaknesses, but I'm not sure they're even looking deeply into why I've made my own story known. It's all conjectures based on whatever their own belief systems are, and I've done my best at discarding any mythology but what attracts my own inner compass, so my job is to show you what I stand for, and reveal the disaster that can happen to one's own life by blindly following orders and being afraid of standing up for the truth until the end.

My own injury and my recovery has been an 8 year endeavor at this point and never had I made it a point in any of my talks of what has happened. I was ashamed that I had trained and studied for 4 years for something and fucked it up because I was trying way way way too hard. I had a dream of being something good for my military because the drone program was as gross an abuse of power as any in our history of the World. In essence my injury killed that person. When I was in the Hospital I had a dream of meeting the people I killed. They were standing around my bed, just waiting. I was terrified, I knew how much of a cowardly thing it was to kill people with drones. Each death I felt as if it were a fracturing of my soul. I find that those that mock me for trying to explain this have never experienced anything difficult in their life or life shattering. I would say that those in charge knew what they were doing when they made us do those things. They were not blind as we were pretending to be.

But I saw no god nor a devil, just the results of my own life's poor choices and the pitiful losses. Where was the Christ to redeem me or to chastise me? Nothing there but my awareness and dead of those I had helped cut off from this world. An eternity of shame. I had met Korean and Vietnam war vets who understood. They know what I'm saying and sometimes they ask me why I'm trying to say it out loud. It's because I don't want to be thinking about this 60 years in the future when history is trying to look back at why the Dystopic States of America did what they did in the early 2000's. I don't want to be lost in my head at a memory or a dream of what I had done. How horribly detached we actually were, and how much of a political game it was for those seeking fast track to higher rank.

It is this and these experiences that turn me away from all the religious nonsense, but allows me to see them from a perspective that is very rarely discussed. I question the displaying of the "passion of the Christ" as a mockery of his death rather than a celebration of his life. In the Ancient Faiths, before the Christ, this was a day of new love and new life. Mankind was a part of Nature's cycle as much as anything else in her repartee. In the modern faith this day is about murder and "rebirth." Seeing the apparatus from the inside and the outside has't made living any easier, in fact it just makes me feel more and more powerless.

I find a special comfort in my own self, in that when push came to shove, I would actually do the right thing and truth is the best weapon in the world. I love that everything that I've said can be held in a light and be shown as truth, because that's how I lived my whole life. I never shied away from following my own heart. No religion could chain me, or degrade what I see as purity in the Soul. I'm just very sad that our society lives under religion's name but doesn't follow any of it's doctrines. As one sergeant kept telling me when I would say that something isn't "right", he would say, "well, that's just how it works in the real Air Force."

Even the Christ says this whole thing against hypocracy and the "teachers" of the time.

A Warning Against Hypocrisy

1Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: 2“The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. 3So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. 4They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.

5“Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries ^a wide and the tassels on their garments long; 6they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; 7they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others.

8“But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers. 9And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. 10Nor are you to be called instructors, for you have one Instructor, the Messiah. 11The greatest among you will be your servant. 12For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

Seven Woes on the Teachers of the Law and the Pharisees

13“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to. [14] ^b

15“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are.

16“Woe to you, blind guides! You say, ‘If anyone swears by the temple, it means nothing; but anyone who swears by the gold of the temple is bound by that oath.’ 17You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred? 18You also say, ‘If anyone swears by the altar, it means nothing; but anyone who swears by the gift on the altar is bound by that oath.’ 19You blind men! Which is greater: the gift, or the altar that makes the gift sacred? 20Therefore, anyone who swears by the altar swears by it and by everything on it. 21And anyone who swears by the temple swears by it and by the one who dwells in it. 22And anyone who swears by heaven swears by God’s throne and by the one who sits on it.

23“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

25“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

27“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. 28In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.

29“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. 30And you say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our ancestors, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.’ 31So you testify against yourselves that you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. 32Go ahead, then, and complete what your ancestors started!

33“You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell? 34Therefore I am sending you prophets and sages and teachers. Some of them you will kill and crucify; others you will flog in your synagogues and pursue from town to town. 35And so upon you will come all the righteous blood that has been shed on earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah son of Berekiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar. 36Truly I tell you, all this will come on this generation.

37“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. 38Look, your house is left to you desolate. 39For I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’  




Now hold that up to what is happening in the world today and ask yourself, What would Jesus Do?

Pray the end of this horrible monstrosity of whatever has a hold on our society and the spirit of mankind. Especially in this crisis we cannot have the hypocrites and the liars run our world. They will be the end of us all.