All Is Fair (Part 2)

"If you know yourself and your enemy, you need not fear the results of a hundred battles."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War

***

My entire life changed once I entered the Military recruiting station in Missoula, Mt on the evening of the 12th of December, 2004. The Daily Mail, a British Tabloid, said that I had "accidentally" entered the military. By far the funniest thing I'd ever read about myself, and still a pretty sore point for some of the stupidest people on the planet. Because I've never done anything "accidentally."

I simply had no scope of the shit I was getting myself into. I had originally signed up to be a 1T0, SERE Instructor, but due to my aptitude scores I was shoved over into the intelligence school. Which was the worst mistake of my entire life (so far) because it led to the greatest things in my entire life. Probably how it should go anyways.

I was never meant to be a soldier. I just needed to be familiar with the training and lifestyle. Like all things that I do, I gave it my entire heart. Even after the people that I worked with shit all over my social life.  But then again, that ended up perfectly fine because none of those people are worth the salt in their blood in the first place. Since my accident, I've really had to think about WHY it was I even placed myself into the position that I did to join the military.

It was the first time I ever had thought I could love a person. She was two years younger than me, we met online through our Hotmail profiles. I thought it was a joke at first. I had friends that I had met through Diablo II and AOL, but she had sent me a flirty message about the picture that I had taken.  She didn't have one up, so I politely asked for one back so I could give her a respective compliment.

It wasn't the auburn hair or the color of her eyes, though now I don't even remember the color exactly, it was the fiery spirit that was emblazoned upon her face, as in "nothing could conquer me." That was the first time I think I truly fell in love. And I couldn't believe it.

We talked. So much that we went over our minutes and she had to pay a stupid large phone bill. I had free calling in the US (yeah, that was a new thing), she didn't. I lost contact with her in the beginning of December 2004, but I remember her telling me that she thought that men in uniforms were sexy, and apparently that was enough of a drive for me to talk to the Air Force recruiter that night on the 12th when I had taken one of my friends to see the Army recruiter. We know enough of that story at this point.

What we don't know is that I would have backed out had she not convinced me that we were going to join up together, and then when I had signed the papers I called her to find out that she had backed out at the last second. We were supposed to sign the papers "together." I didn't hear from her again until after Basic Training. I had decided to try to call her to see if her number was still connected. She answered the phone, and her voice melted away all doubts and fears.

***
I must only love.

Love is the mind-melter.

Love is the little-sun that brings total illumination.

I will face my love.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And where it has grown I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the love has grown there will be blossoming. Only light will remain. 

***

We reconnected for a few weeks before she disappeared completely.  Maybe it's not important what we talked about other than I was reminded of why I loved her in the first place. Sure, she lied to me and played games with my heart and head, but love surpasses all of that. Even though I no longer "love" her today, my entire life changed because of it. I wouldn't have done most of the things in my life without that prompt of life. That awakening of desire to find my other half. 

I've killed, been beaten, pushed myself beyond my limits many many times.  And it's all been for love. All of it.

And I couldn't have asked for a more glorious adventure.