The Story Thus Far...

 I joined the USA Military Branch of the Air Force overconfident and underzealous. In trying to stay away from participating in direct action in war, I found myself strangely directly observing the battlefield live from the safety of a Top Secret Compartmentalized department safely tucked away in Sin City itself. The Devil already controlled the sand that blew in that desolate place, and the wickedness of War was played at like a game of chance. Generals betting the lives of men and ending those who would stand in their way with the whisper of a command and the push of a button. 

The Ending was not peace but greed, which could have no end. Where I had once trusted that we were on the side of good, I witnessed the kind of inferior man that seeks power because he was once made powerless, made decisions of life and death then congratulate themselves for winning a "War on Terror" while being terrible themselves. For everything that we do to our "enemy" so shall be done to us in equal measure if finishing the conflict is not the intended goal. 

I was a part of that. I killed, but had I any control of the situation I would not have. I witnessed countless other atrocities done, and the good ol' boys club that ran it. It was my faith that had sustained me, my previous understanding that I must bear witness to the things that have been done, none greater than my own misdeeds. The drama that happened at my expense had me separated from my peers, for a shame that was unknown to me. I was punished for things that I didn't do, and I was punished for things that I fixed immediately with no harm done. I was punished for other people's perceptions of who they thought that I was. 

But I am my Grandfather's protege, above all else I will honor his teachings, in the face of all the hurt that I've been given. When I first started speaking about my experiences, I didn't realize that my name would be released, and I had intended to kill myself after the publication, in the traditional style of sepukku, the only way that I could think of restoring my honor after everything else. The only reason I didn't was because of what was said about me in forums by people that I knew. People that I had once stood up for, people that I had once called brother and sister, people who knew that what I was saying was true. 

I never broke any promise that I made. I never didn't give my genuine self because I recognized that the shit that I was in we all were in and there were people that were getting away with fraud, waste, and abuse of government resources simply because they could spend the money and get more every year. We had the same people over and over and over, fly the same shifts over and over and over again. Leadership only flew to maintain currency and to get flight pay. Flight Pay for not flying. 

I never got flight pay, yet when I left I had the most flight Hours in the 3rd SoS by almost 2500. All thanks to my being "punished" for trying to actually be nice to a girl who broke my heart. I know what she said about me, after I gave her a choice of me or somebody else in the squadron that confessed feelings for her. I had asked my grandfather what to do and he said to just be kind to her, and be her friend and support her. I did until she fooled around with my Best Friend at the time, and then my roommate, and then some other guy. I tried to make peace in front of people and also in private. I was harassed by some dipshit on fucking MySpace, who somehow also started sending weird shit to everyone else in my squadron and it was blamed on me by the first sergeant. 

From there I just stayed to my video games. World of WarCraft saved my life. Being able to overwrite my nightmares of infrared ghosts with Orcs and Elves and monsters of all kind. Then I got hacked, by one of my guildies I think, and my account banned because he was doing shady shit with an alt that I never logged into. I lost a lot on that account, but I moved on, instead of turning to faith that had been left in ruin, I turned to the focus and discipline of mastering my own body. I knew that I also didn't want to turn away from the military as what I saw a failure of an experience. I couldn't go home with this shame in my heart. 

All General Wurster had to do was sign my release from the Drone Program, so that I could go into SERE. All the 3rd SOS Dragons had to do was let their prized oxen that I had become, let me go work on rebuilding my honor and respect, after the bullshit that I had to deal with. I ran burnt myself out for ungrateful and miserable human beings. If I ever end up before "god" I will testify myself of it. I don't care what messiah they believe in, their actions have earned them a special place in Hell.  I only hope they live a long life knowing what awaits them. 

My actions of "whistleblowing" comes from the idea of a player or Referee calling a time-out. According to even Sun Tzu's the Art of War, we have lost this conflict, and it wasn't because we didn't have overwhelming force, but it was because we were misled on the Moral Law that governs conflict. I remember one pilot I flew with explaining to me that the Laws of Armed Conflict and the Rules of Engagement are not for our enemies who will most assuredly break them, but to show everyone that we are abiding by these boundaries. 

That's what kills me about Rynearson. By all rights, we should be allies. If his story of refusing an order is true, then he did the right thing by understanding his power in that moment. I was an Airman First Class. I was so fucking low on the totem pole to be nothing more than the warm body that sat in the seat to fulfill one basic function of assisting the pilot. I was so unimportant, that it's incredibly ironic that some people view me as such. 

My adventure that came about because of it is both terrifying and humbling. I reacquainted myself with the spirituality of the universe, and found a peace despite my incredible heartache. I broke everything of myself to escape the chains of murdering for evil men, because what is what I have done anything but? Sun Tzu says that War is evil, but if you must carrying it out here is how you should do it. But this is beyond even that evil, the waste of American resources with no ending in sight. The destruction of our fellow human beings for the sake of profit. 

While this is going on OCONUS, the CONUS side of things has been infiltrated by thugs and gangsters. In my own home town, taxes have skyrocketed, as Mayor John Engen plays the best Sheriff of Nottingham with the Missoula City Council. Willing to give away 17 Million dollars in tax money to a man whose father got rich by selling faulty medical equipment and then being ran out of his own state while running for congress, a man who is not even from here and already has the money. The project would have been under his "management" for 70 years, then it would be paid off and go back to the people of Missoula. That would be 70 years of future tax money taken. That would be our children's chrildren's children's children. Four generations in the future would be paying a Greedy Aristocrat for something that was admittedly never going to make money. My Great Grandparent's and other family members sold their homes because no one could afford to pay the taxes already in place. We were the Creme de la middle class. 

We went to Church twice a week, Sunday dinner was for everyone that could make it. For 3 generations before me, my family invested and gave to the community through service and teaching. Now where are they? Gone because they can't afford to live in a place that has sustained them since the 1970s. 

When I expressed the anger that I felt towards the city counsel, it was because I saw the same fraud, waste, and abuse that I witnessed in the military, but in my own home. The city counsel didn't care about it's community, just about the money pot that they thought they could take from because they didn't suffer the consequences of their actions, and their place in the city counsel seems more like a popularity contest than one of competence. 

When I pointed out their fallacies, they went to the internet to try to find something to "ruin" me. So I killed two birds with 1 stone. They took Rynearson's bait, and now they both have to answer for what they've done by putting me in danger and trying to ruin my life.

When I realized that the people of the USA wouldn't ever listen to what I had to say, that the biblical addum, "a prophet has no honor in his own country," applied to those of us that spoke the truth, I also knew that I would never escape this pain in my heart. I never thought that my own hometown would be the same. I think I may have had too high of an expectation from the people here. A River Runs Through It colored my perception. My own sense of home connecting me deeper to God than any book. It was here that my Grandfather taught me about God, and that the fruits that we bear are the ones that will tell us who we are. The garden of my heart had been burnt to the ground and the earth salted beneath my feet. I was unsure of any fruit that I could bear. I just knew that I couldn't let them get away with hurting my own community any more. 

Fie to you who think that I would lower myself to harm another again after what I was made to do. I never wish anyone harm, just for them to suffer the consequences of their actions in a way that get's them to see exactly what they have done. If God says that vengeance is his, then it is mine to live and not to do the things that I know would lead me down the path of darkness so deep that no light could ever reach me. 

What I expect from my government is this: professional discipline and actual corruption removal. Admitting one is wrong doesn't hurt one's reputation, it helps you evolve and not make the same mistake over and over. The US Government must admit that it has wronged it's own citizens, and that is the only way that it will become Great. The US Military must refuse to be used by greedy corporations and must finish the conflict, even if retreat is used. We must fix the things here at home before they destroy us in front of the whole world. We must address the greed and corruption from top to bottom, and we must hold those accountable for the actions that they've done. 

If there is true justice in this world, it will be done without conflict and in the light of truth. 

To my enemies, may you live forever with the full knowledge of what you've done. To my allies, may you find your Way and help as many as you are able. I will continue the path that have been on since I could walk and mend my own spirit. I have no care for anyone's opinion or manipulation. There has been nothing that I have done but to do everything I can to fix my own heart.

Right now my life is in danger by my own government. There really is evil in the world and it is not done by gods or devils but by man himself to himself. Once we realize that we will be free of gods and devils and be able to choose our own fate. I pray that the one we choose doesn't lead us to our own destruction. 

So far I've been nothing but disappointed with people. Maybe 2020 has shown them how to fight for themselves and the importance of it. Maybe we'll clean up the garbage in our society. First it has to start with us.