ending my own life

To whom it may concern, 

I realize that if you're reading this you may be having some emotions. Regardless of how you feel, it's too late to change anything.

I'm writing this blog post here because the only person who reads this is my stalker, and he will probably be glad that I have finally decided to take my own life and leave this miserable plane of existence, even if I have to bury my soul in the deepest hells, i will not stop until I obliterate my own soul. I do not want to be reincarnated. I do not want to exist. 

If you're reading this and you think you once loved me, I can tell you that no one in my life knows what love is. I wasn't loved. I was hated at worst, tolerated at best. In my darkest moments I was left alone and I'm my greatest need I was abandoned. Here I am as a grown man, and I've reached my end. 

Currently I live with two individuals who make me feel unwelcome and unsafe. I bought a large bus, hoping that I would be able to repair it and live alone somewhere away from everyone but I can't even find help to do that and I barely have enough money to live. I'm scrapping by the skin of my teeth. 

I sacrificed my heart and soul for nothing. People took my work and made money off of it and didn't pay me a thing due to "integrity". Leaving me destitute and with nothing. And me, thinking that what I was doing was somehow honorable and noble. Instead I'm an idiot ready to kill myself now out of shame and humiliation. 

If you're reading this, know that in the moment of my death I will curse this world and everyone in it and I will face God and beg him to burn my existence from the fabric of reality. There is no longer any love in my heart and my consciousness would rather end itself than hurt another.

The only thing I wish for you, reader, is to know that in the end, I was unloved. It doesn't matter what you do in this world, it matters not without love. 

May you have everything that you deserve.

A Sad Update

 To Whom It May Concern,

I hope this message finds you well. For myself, things have pretty much gotten as bad as they could be. I'm still being stalked by certain people and they have actively ruined my relationships. Since I do not have any support, I have had to fight these battles alone, and while I have mostly succeeded, I have failed in the most important way: My own personal relationships have fallen apart.

I'm mostly at fault, being that had I not put myself into certain positions I would not have had to place my trust in people that did not have my best interests in mind. Continuously I've given myself to others who have robbed me of my heart and taken advantage of my kindness. Unfortunately, I've held it in so long, that when my ex girlfriend of 3 years started exhibiting all the signs of being unfaithful to me all my inner demons took it as an opportunity to torment me. She says that she was faithful, but faithfulness means trust and she broke my trust pretty severely and then deflected accountability for her actions until I had to force her to apologize. She went behind my back and decided for me what was going to happen without even considering my feelings. 

Needless to say I made a complete mess of things, and she now hates me from the arms of another man. 

It's my own fault, really. I had hoped that her and I could start a family and find a place to live in peace while the world burned down. I relied on her support as much as I gave her and she couldn't even give me the respect to be there for me when I actually needed her. I was so used to doing things alone, that when I had decided to accept support it was taken from me the moment I leaned on it.

It's happened enough times that I can only find myself as the lowest common denominator. I blame social media, of things outside myself, and the lack of care people have for anything outside of their ego. In turn, I decided to burn most every bridge that I can. I'm worn out, burnt out, sick. I have stress induced cardiomyopathy, literally a broken heart. Though my heart is physically strong, the stress of whistleblowing and relationships have been too much my heart is failing. A year ago, I was holding on because love was easing me out of it, but then my ex was nearly hurt by somebody trying to hurt me, and I gave into fear, and fear led to my own destruction.

I'm not sure how much life I have left. Whenever people threaten me and I make noise, the trolls and stalkers go back into the deep shadows, and I eek by every day by trying to live simply. The stress of it all just caught up to me and I'm not strong enough to endure without support, and since I don't have support and am now completely alone in the first time in my life (no more dog), either the broken heart or the loneliness is going to kill me and I'm not sure that I don't deserve it even after I gave it my best.

If I hurt you in this life, if you think that I wronged you, I'm sorry. If I had the opportunity and I knew what I did I would have fixed it. My ignorance doesn't excuse anything. If you wronged me, I forgive you but I will not forget. You may live a blessed life outside of mine. 

I want this Chapter of my life to end. 

The Epilogue isn't a happy ending, unfortunately, and I wonder if that is only in fairy tales. 

On my marker let it read: He died alone, but he did his duty and was content.

I pray that in the world mercy and justice prevail.

Cheers,

Brandon W. Bryant
Staff Sergeant, USAF JSOC

200th Dragon Of the 3rd SOS

2015 Whistleblower of the Year

Founder of Project Red Hand (inactive)

Last of his line. 

There is no Justice, only Death

 Most likely I will be dead within the next six months. Rick Rynearson, and his gangbangers, have been harassing me with impunity for many years. It seems that they have realized that the law won't do anything to help me so they have upped their game. The city police and officials turn a blind eye. I have no one I can rely on or turn to.

My lawyer this morning told me that I'm a sitting duck at this point. He's convinced that there really is no such thing as Justice in America, and all the system is filled with are people who are trying to get away with bad things done to good people. No one will touch my case because I'm a government whistleblower, so addressing my case means addressing the issues that I bring up, which nearly everyone is involved with it seems. So in order to keep the machine running, it might be my blood that greases the wheels.

I used to see the cops as modern knights of the round table when I was a wee lad. Now I see them as nothing more than faceless thugs, enforcers of evil. I used to feel safe in my own home and now I can't even go anywhere outside my living space and feel safe. I have people watching and following everything I do so they can trip me up or catch me at fault, willing to twist my own words against me, then to lie, cheat, and steal to win at all costs. Since I refuse to play along, I will be murdered.

It's funny, comical, how evil our society obviously is. Straight out of a storybook, the corrupt willing to murder their own citizens in order to enjoy their ill gotten gains. After my journey and travels, I can for sure say that the true shining stars are few and far between. The people that just sit there and complain then do nothing are simply hypocrites, and they are usually the loudest voices to criticize those that try to do something. The fact that I can have done what I have done and gotten the response that I have proves that America is lost in Darkness. 

The fact that I have had people threaten my life because I have spoken about how horrible it is to take another life, that I have tried to show how horrible this whole mess is... My own government tried to backhandedly use my own service against me by calling me a mass murderer in their opening statement of my trial. The prosecution used Rynearson's idiot blog, word for word, as their only evidence. The local news purposely printed misleading information then refused to correct it telling us to get over it and move on. The local city council continues to misuse tax money for projects around the city using sub-par materials, and people who may not be qualified for the job, but simply knew the right person's hand to shake. 

I sit here praying that when I step outside it will not be the last time I see the Sun, alone, facing an uncertain future, surrounded by my enemies, and knowing that my own people, my own government, my own home town, would kill me at the first opportunity. 

Introduction to Yu Li Ch'ao Chuan

Back in 2018 I had a psychedelia trip that showed me the Tibetan Buddhist Dharma Protectors wandering in the Montana backwoods and a complete tour of the "Cycle of Birth and Death." The closest thing that I could account it to would be Dante's Divine Comedy, and my own personal place in line for the Cosmic Judgement. I was connected to my entire line of ancestors and descendants. 

It was humbling and empowering to say the least. I was told that my repentance was seen as sincere, and as long as I promised to sin no more, I would be set free. I read the story of Mila Repa. I read the Buddhist texts, some Zen, some Shinto. But truly I was led to the Taoist texts and the universe keeps... blatantly throwing it in my face. Not that I mind, I've found some old and significant writings that I love so much I've read over and over. 

One of them has been the Yu Li Ch'ao Chuan, as it perfectly depicts exactly what I saw and experienced to such a degree is all I have to do is read the text or even meditate on it and I'm back there. If I were to dig further on it's significance to me, I use it as a measure for people's character that I come across. I find it harsh but ultimately fair. 

Some of the punishments are silly and clever and puts some of Dante's to shame.

Thank you for your patience, here is the Yu Li Ch'ao Chuan as it was given to me.

***

On the birthday of the Savior, as the spirits of Purgatory were thronging round to offer their congratulations, the ruler of the Infernal Regions spake as follows:

"My wish is to release all souls, and every moon as this day comes round I would wholly or partially remit the punishment of erring shades and give them life once more in one of the Six Paths of Angels, Men, Demons, Hungry Ghosts, Brute Beasts, and Tortured Sinners. But alas! the wicked are many and the virtuous few. Nevertheless, the punishments in the dark region are too severe and require some modification. Any wicked soul that repents and induces one or two others to do likewise shall be allowed to set this off against the punishments which should be inflicted."

The Judges of the Ten Courts of Purgatory then agreed that all who led virtuous lives from their youth upwards shall be escorted at their death to the land of the Immortal; that all those whose balance of good and evil is exact  shall escape the bitterness of the Three States of the Hungry Ghosts, Brute Beasts, and Tortured Sinners, and be born again amongst Men; that those who have repaid their debts of gratitude and friendship, and fulfilled their destiny, yet have a balance of evil against them, shall pass through the various Courts of Purgatory and then be born again amongst Men, rich or poor, old or young, diseased or crippled, to be put a second time upon trial. Then, if they behave well, they may enter into some happy state; but if badly they will be dragged by horrid devils through all the Courts, suffering bitterly as they go, and will again be born, to endure in life the uttermost in poverty and wretchedness, in death the everlasting tortures in Hell.

Those who are disloyal, unfilial, who commit suicide, take life indiscriminately, or disbelieve the Doctrine of Cause and Effect, saying to themselves that when a man dies there is an end to him, that when he has lost his skin he has already suffered the worst that can befall him, that living men can be tortured but no one ever saw a man's ghost in the pillory, that after Death all is unknown, etc-- truly these men do not know that the body alone perishes but the Soul lives forever and ever; and that whatsoever evil they in in life, the same will be done unto them in the life to come.

All who commit such crimes are handed over to the everlasting tortures of Hell; for alas! in spite of the teachings of the Three Systems, some will persist in regarding these warnings as vain and empty talk. Lightly they speak of Divine mercy and knowingly commit many crimes, not more than one in a hundred ever coming to repentance. Therefore the punishments of Purgatory were strictly carried out and the tortures dreadfully severe.

But now it has been ordained that any man or woman, young or old, weak or strong, who may have sinned in any way, shall be permitted to obtain remission of the same by keeping his or her thoughts constantly on the Savior and on the birthdays of the Judges of the Ten Courts, by fasting and prayer, and by vows never to sin again. Or for every good work in life they shall be allowed to escape one ward in the Courts below.

From this rule to be excepted: Disloyal ministers, unfilial sons, suicides, those who plot in secret against good people, those who are struck by lightning, those who perish in flood or fire, by wild animals, or poisonous reptiles -- there to pass through all the Courts and be punished according to their deserts. All other sinners to be allowed to claim their good works as a set-off against evil, thus partially escaping the agonies of Hell and receiving some reward for their virtuous acts.

This account of man's wickedness on the earth and the punishments in store for him was written in language intelligible to every man and woman, and was submitted for the approval of the Savior, the intention being to wait the return of some virtuous soul among the sons of men and by these means publish it all over the earth. When the Savior saw what had been done, he said it was good; and on the 3rd of the 8th moon proceeded with the ten Judges of Purgatory to lay this book before God.

Then God said, "Good indeed! Good indeed! Henceforth let all spirits take note of any mortal who vows to lead a virtuous life and, repenting, promises to sin no more. Two punishments shall be remitted him. And if in addition to this he succeed in doing five virtuous acts, then he shall escape all punishment and be born again in some happy state. But more than five virtuous acts shall enable such a soul to obtain the salvation of others and redeem partner and family from the tortures of Hell. Let these regulations be published in the Divine Panorama and circulated on earth by the power of the City Guardians. In fear and trembling obey this decree and carry it reverently into effect."

Moral Injury

I feel that the longer that I live and understand the horrors of the modern world, the deeper my heart wound gets. 

When I started this journey, it truly was one of repentance and belief in a "if we could just see the error of our ways" ideology. In my youth I was taught about Man's "Fall from Grace", Biblically, but to me that was just a story. Maybe growing up in Missoula, isolated mostly from the outside world, prevented me from seeing the state of mankind. I even went into the military being told that we were fighting against "God's enemies."

I had no understanding of anything. I still don't, but I really didn't back then. I attribute my personal success from a combination of innocence and stupidity. Innocent of anterior motives, and stupid enough to believe that there might be some inherent goodness in man. I criticize myself harshly, but, I did follow Biblical instruction and it led me... here.

I see emptiness all around. I find my own countrymen, my own neighbors, have threatened my very life. My local police and government have already put me in danger multiple times, and the funny thing about this whole affair, is that NEVER ONCE EVER SINCE I killed for the military industrial complex have I ever wanted or declared to ever want to again, feel that stain on my soul. 

That seems to be threatening to people. And when I call for final accountability of my government officials who not only continue to fraudulently waste taxpayer money on frivolous bullshit, have given themselves a $9 hour raise in a time of crisis. It's been 2 years since I called it out. Since I learned the character of the people of my hometown. The Jury was excellent, but the people of Missoula, the people I called friend? Failed me. There just is no other words, and they continue to do so. 

I think it is in poor judgement that people on social media keep "referring me" to mental health. I spent years in therapy, and I traveled to do plant medicine. My mental, spiritual, and emotional health are the best they've been. My anger does not stem from any sort of madness. It comes because I have a wounded heart, and instead of comfort and care from not only my community but my own country, I was ostracized and outcaste.

I stained my soul in the name of "freedom and democracy," and in return I got a fat disgraced Major who thinks that he can make a name for himself by calling me a liar and getting people to threaten my life. In return all I can see is everything in our society covered in blood. When I smell oil, I also smell the burn pits in Iraq. When I see the state of the State, and that we have truly been misled, I feel sickness deep within that I gave up my purity for that. For the People of my Country to shit on me, turn their backs on me, and for our political and business leaders to continue to destroy everything that I was told I gave my heart and soul and mind and body for. 

To know that whenever I reach out to anyone for help, I'm being monitored, tracked, and interfered with. That no government agency will interact with me out of respect for my "differences" aka whistleblowing, with the government. I mean, the reason I blew the whistle in the first place was because rules were not being followed, and I've been verified about that on every media outlet in the world as well as 32 Academic, peer-reviewed, publications to date. All I want is for shit to work, and to feel whole again. Is that too much to ask?

Can you not see my hurt at what it is that we have done and become? I see myself as no different than those that I criticize, because I was in it myself. I started off in basic training as the Midnight guard and toilet cleaner. I was the lowest of us all, before you all thought I was less than nothing. 

I didn't do anything I did for fame, fortune, adventure. It has not been a pleasant journey, though I have had several pleasant moments. I finally am at peace with myself. I no longer hate myself. But I still think that our modern society is the vile stain of Babylon's leftovers. I still think that nothing that I have done has any real significance. Nothing really changed, people just accepted it. The people that listened to what I had to say only used it to verify their own beliefs, without ever caring about me as a person. I was told that everyone sees me as a murderer who walks free, and it's hard to be friends with a murderer. 

There is a saying in Africa, "The speaker of Truth has no friends." I think my grandfather tried to prepare me for it. It's Biblical even. "A prophet is not without honor, except in his own country and own hometown." I don't consider myself anything but I do know the sin that will drown America in its own karma is happening right now, and in this moment I'm telling you"

Repent, for the End is upon us. Not in any Apocalyptic sense, but in that we don't know when that will be, the signs of the times seem dire indeed. I fear that our poisoning of the planet has gone beyond the point of no return. If we have to face a judgement in the afterlife, let it be knowing we did our best, even with our wounded hearts. 

Coming up next, The Yu Li Ch'ao Chuan, or Divine Panorama.

Oh, How I Weep for Thee.

I find humanity unbearable nowadays.

There are quite a few people upset about MY words. I see this as funny, because while they are harsh words, they pale in comparison to the actions that they are inviting you to witness. I've been banned on every social media platform because of it. 

I was banned on Twitter for pointing out that Kongsberg, Norway was using war refugees in their factories that are creating weapon parts that are used in the weapons resulting in the refugees in the first place. The response that I got was "war is profitable and it gives them a better life." A) war is not profitable. Taking from the bottom to give to the top, is an all-in-all-out decrease. Temporarily a few might benefit, but really everyone ends up suffering in the long run. 

I was banned on Instagram for posting my artwork, and somebody kept reporting me for inappropriate content. I got banned on Facebook for my International Whistleblowing in the use of Targeted drone killing in the Middle East. But this next one really takes the cake for me.

I was banned on Reddit because somebody in my home subreddit reported me for "hate towards a minority group" when talking about how all pedophiles should face the death sentence, because I was violated by one in my church when I was going into the second grade, and when I told an adult, they covered it up and they made me fear hell because I was "gay." I next followed it up with how I ran into two actual pedos trying to sell off some kids that I ran into back in 2018ish. I was at the local trampoline park, and a little girl tried to get me to go play in a corner with her, and I asked where her parents were, she pointed me to an overweight bearded man. I went over to the woman I was on a date with, and pointed him out but he saw and ran. We reported it to the police and heard nothing further until a few weeks ago when it was reported that a pedo ring was broken up. There is a Missoulian article about it.

But the City tried to cover up the identities, the only way we found out who they were was by looking at the booking records. Pointing all this out, got me perma-banned from Reddit. However, I went up the chain of command and they're now looking into who reported me, because I also keep getting reported when I talk about the local corruption in my City Council, and the bullshit things that are going in full view of everyone. 

We have police that kill their own to protect wicked men. We have politicians that sell out their local populous for the almighty dollar. We have greedy landlords, gluttonous businessmen, false preachers, and a society that feeds off blood and violence.... We have no Pillars of Society. We have no Wise People leading us into the future. Evil-doers arise, none try to subdue them. The people are in misery, no one relieves them. Clerks are corrupt, no one restrains them. Laws decay, no one renews them. Our officials glut themselves off of the welfare of the State and know no shame. They build themselves fine houses, ride fancy vehicles, drink themselves stupid then have the taxes pay for their recovery, and eat the best foods available. Which of them do anything more than put on the illusion of a dignified mien? All gold and gems without, dry husks within. 

Yet these people are not even at once concerned about these things but they are very particular about my words.

In The Darkness, Only A Snake Knows His Own Feet

Let me tell you what's up. 

I won. and I failed. 

Life sure has changed in the Pandemic Era. Let's not kid ourselves, we are still full up in this business. It will probably be a long bit before we recover from the Idiocy of Ego, the Siberian Saga, alongside NATO Neo-Colonial Greed, How to Collapse Your Own Civilization for Money. 

As for my personal life, regardless of how many Academic articles reference me (so far 30+), and whatnot related to Whistleblowing, it is an absolute crunk of a failure. I wish I could find the words to describe my supreme disappointment at everything. In the last 2 years, I have had 3 men try to take my life from me, one of them a 3rd time Felony Offender, all let go without charge. Every day that I would take my dog for a walk I would be followed, by several people, and I felt like I would be jumped at any moment because my actions have become an inconvenience to those who would do business in darkness. 

All I've ever done is try to do the right thing. I never hurt anybody, I never did more than express my hurt and anger over how I've been treated, and it's only given me further mistreatment. 

"We've all moved on." I've been told several times. No, You've left me behind because you got what you wanted. I sacrificed my mind, body, heart, and soul to do the right thing and was just left broken and alone. I feel like the prodigal son, but without anywhere to go to as I have no father, and I have been disowned by my Christian relatives. 

The worst part is, I only acted as I did because I was taught to follow my heart and do the right thing via Christianity, and I am pariah everywhere I go in my own home town, and mistreated by those I once called loved ones. I was told that America stood for "Liberty and Justice for All," and all I see everywhere is Patriot Christians going against everything that Christ and supposedly what the Constitution and Bill of Rights were written to represent.

Somebody once asked me if they could still be Christian and an Anarchist, and my response was, "give unto Caesar what is Caesar's, give unto God what is Gods." He didn't like it so I tried to expand it like this. I said that only you can define what you believe is God's and what is a king's. If you don't believe that anything belongs to man, then everything simply belongs to God.

I believe god is everything. The One. When I was younger I used to feel connected to it. I couldn't tell you what it was, exactly, but I felt whole, once. My service to the military severed my connection to it, and ever since then I've felt only loss and grief. I've taken Psychedelics, by myself and with authentic shamans, and its only made the wounds more clearly defined. They were not the cure I thought they would be. I classify them as medicine, but they can only take you so far, the rest is up to you. And as far as I've discovered, once the connection has been severed, it's like you're a living deadman, and there is no way to reconnect. 

At least that's what I've been told. 

While I am living in the Sphere of God's influence, I still feel lost and alone. My little boy heart can't take it.

I'm not eager to die, but I have no will to live anymore. I have no close friends, no family, no loved ones. My dog is sick and dying. He was the only thing that I ever really cared about in my lifetime, and I sacrificed my time and life with him to do the Whistleblower bullshit. And, if I can be Frank, I regret it all because I believed in the greatness of mankind and all I've seen is wretched garbage. The way I've been treated has been horrendous. The last 10 years have been Hell on Earth, for me. I swear the world ended in 2012. 

At least the one thing that Psychedellics have for sure told me is that taking my own life is no escape from this place, so I might as well wait it out. The best "training" I ever got from the Military was the ability to wait forever for shit to go down and to "nap as needed". The only reason I survived was because of the Power Nap. It should be it's own AFSC.

That's the last joke I have for you.

I'll leave you with this, if you ever came across me and treated me with good intentions and a pure heart, I wish you only blessings in this lifetime. If you ever came to me with ulterior motives, may you fall from your own deceptions so that everyone can see. 

May the spirit of Brandon Wayne Bryant, Rest In Peace, because now I am nobody and filled only with sorrow. If we meet on the street, we are strangers, I care not for anything this world has to give.