I know I have a few readers, one of them being a rat who thinks himself doing journalism on me though it's become clear that he has an unhealthy obsession, I wish to address everyone, including that small and plagued thing.
I find it incredibly interesting that one person has spent so much time and energy to try to undo me and has not succeeded in any aspect. I've done my best to ignore it, to try and get on with my life, but just like any bully or deranged person who seeks to take down his betters, he needs to be put down like a rabid animal.
Luckily, the threats against my person have ceased and the vast majority of people I come across see through the idiocy. I don't think I need to sit here and defend my actions with vain words, you can all simply compare them side by side with those that I have stood against. Which is why I wrote the piece from jail, Pietas. Claiming that my seeking and following higher ideals as mental illness, or trying to undermine me at every step has only made me better, stronger, and more aware. For that I love my enemies. I wish to express my condolences to them, for karma is a real and true thing, and what you reap you shall sow.
Now, the Rat would say that is a threat and try to use that further in his case against my mental well-being. I'm not threatening anyone. I don't know how many times that I have to say this, but after I did my duty, against everything that I knew within me in order to survive a corrupted and wicked group of people, I swore an oath to the Supreme Lord of the Universe that I would never seek to do violence against another person. Though many might disagree with my hard and straight language, it is better than the language that we see in our modern media and what others do in order to curb public perception of who they are and what they are truly doing. It's business/political to describe one thing as another in order to gain votes or dollars.
If you're really curious, here is an ebook copy of the Bahgavad Gita, a conversation between a warrior and god on what duty is. Just like Krishna uses the language of war to describe spiritual alignment and responsibility, I will use that language as well. The zen masters and Taoists state that there is no enemy outside of yourself, the only enemy lay within. Which makes all the religious critics all the more hilarious because they cannot see that is not just a battle for some distant and mythological messiah, that is our own responsibility to ourselves. No other can heal our soul but ourselves. No other can fight that battle but ourselves.
Which makes the Rat's religious degree from Florida even more embarrassing. That the rat cannot take responsibility for his own words or actions and has to use hide behind his wife's law degree and her connections to corporations like Monsanto and Raytheon is even more appalling. The scriptures do say that there will be many false prophets and many who will lead men astray. For much of my life I believed it to be true, but something to be experienced in a distant time or history. Never did I think I would be face to face or bear witness to the extreme depravity of mankind, so concentrated in one individual. I have taken responsibility for my own actions and words, for they are mine, even if they are made in error. I know what I have done and I what I have done is seek to balance the scales and fix whatever wrongs that I have done.
I read the Rat's ongoing blog about me, which is the main piece of the Montana state prosecutions beef with me. I've not been wrong in what I've tried to tell people about the Oligarchs, which in fact during this extreme pandemic, the Missoula City Council still decided to give 17 million dollars in tax money away to Wisconsonite Millionaire Nick Chicota while the public is focused on the matter of surviving and taking care of themselves. And now the Mayor also has sole financial say. Fascism rears its ugly head when desperate times take place.
Didn't I compare the use of broken tools used in social government situations to giving a broken tool to a warrior in battle? Didn't I say that it is worse because people don't die right away, they worse than die, they suffer; people lose their homes, their ability to feed themselves, they get desperate and turn to crime... So what did the council do? They did exactly that. Putting the chains of slavery onto their citizens instead of using that money that is the citizens to reinforce the health and welfare of the community. When the Dollar collapses and they cannot pay for their high rise condos and whatever toys they feel they want, they'll have nothing. The citizens of Missoula, of Montana even, are now seeing the truth of things. And since Karma is the refuge of the wise, we all need to just hold them accountable for their actions and let nature take it's course with them.
That is why I wish no death upon them. People have the ability to learn, and unfortunately, terrible situations and life experiences are the only way that those wicked spirits that inhabit those meat suits will be able to learn anything. I feel sorry for people like the Rat and those that have never really been challenged in this life. They don't know what they're capable of, no one does. They just take from others and live off the spoils. They've never actually earned a position in life so they have to steal and undermine those that have to make themselves feel better.
Small and pitiful people. I struggle every day to find compassion for them. How can we have compassion for those that willfully and purposefully harm others? The poet Rumi says this, "Just as the clay needs to be hardened in fire, so does love need to be perfected in pain."
My Great-Grandfather would remind me of what the Christ says, "You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
I will further say that I have realized that we don't love our enemies because we want them to be like us. They already are if they are fellow creations of this Universe. We love them because they reveal the spirit within us, they show us what is noble and worthy to fight against. And since this is not a physical battle, this is a battle against the principalities and powers which govern this world, the only true weapon is the sword of the spirit which cuts sharper and deeper than any sword. It is the Sword of Truth, and if I dare say so, the armor of God has protected me during every encounter that I've ever had, regardless of how much damage I've sustained. And I've sustained a heroic amount. But like one of my Childhood heroes, Sun Wukong the Handsome Monkey King, Great Sage Equal to Heaven, every bit of damage only makes me stronger and wiser.
To the rat and all my detractors, I thank you. I wish you everything in this life that you deserve and that you reap the fruits of your sowing in this life so that you have a clean soul for your next. Until you do, may you live forever.
Peace and Love,
Brandon W. Bryant
The Dragon of Hell's Gate
27 March 2020
20 March 2020
Pietas - A Jail Note
The Modern Definition of Piety:
pi·e·ty
/ˈpīədē/
noun
- the quality of being religious or reverent."acts of piety and charity"
- a belief or point of view that is accepted with unthinking conventional reverence.plural noun: pieties"the accepted pieties of our time"
early 16th century (in the sense ‘devotion to religious observances’): from Old French piete, from Latin pietas ‘dutifulness’, from pius.
***
In the days of Ancient Rome, those that took up the mantle of “knight” were expected to hold in their hearts and act with “pietas.” In modern day society it is a term more associated with the common religion as piety, and deemed more mystical than true. Some would have it discussed in a philosophical sense, though most today would rather forget it exists entirely in the pursuit of their own desires.
For me, it comes as naturally as breathing, though at times I feel as if drowning might be easier. My Great-Grandfather, my Grandpa, and my mother instilled in me the courage and fortitude to never discard it when engaging the Abyss of the human soul. I grew up with tales of Arthur Pendragon and his Companions of the Round Table, how they represented “Pietas” and all the other grand qualities of heroes, it was my Grandpa Lanny who lived it.
To me, he was and still is, as kingly as Arthur ever was, and his Round Table was the circle of the Wrestling mat. Lanny was the coach of the Knights of the Hell’s Gate, his companions, his wrestlers, and through his dedication, discipline, compassion, and love he led them to their Legendary State Championship, paving the way and planting the seeds of victory everywhere he went. He has reared many great men, and though I never was a State Champion, I would count myself among those that strive to match his pietas in all that I have done.
He taught me that life was exactly like the struggle on the mat. The philosophies of action and wisdom mix together and become inseparable, where pride can lead one to fall from great heights but through discipline one can rise again without fault or blame to overcome any challenge. For much of my own life I could not put it into words well enough to explain to those outside the circle. The Arena is and always be the place I feel most alive, and now, having traveled along the path to self-discovery, through greater despair and heartaches I have ever read or heard told, the seeds in my heart have matured enough to understand and bear the fruit of wisdom. I write this from jail, a political prisoner in my own community, to remind myself and others what the fight and struggle are really about.
Some might say this is a fight for our lives, but it isn’t. It is a fight for life itself. On the mat the only death is the end of the match, heralded by the whistle of the referee. In the world it is for order and justice and all the ordinary and simple things, the little things we have been deprived of for too long. The things that any decent and healthy society should secure, that the truth of America never has. The guarantee of food, a safe place to rest, roads that any person may travel with security from thriving town to city and to country, into the wilderness and back again. Homes of wealthy folk where some grace of living may grow and mature, free from greed and desire, giving scope to any who wish to hone their craft and those who simply seek to learn. Where anyone can read a book on any philosophy, faith, creed, or science and have a healthy discussion of the thoughts and emotions they provoke. Where lovers can grow old together, watching their children and their children’s children thrive to learn the gentler arts of living. A place where Truth, Justice, and understanding replace violence, intrigue and petty tribal jealousy. That’s my dream for Montana. That is what we are fighting for.
Martin Luther King Jr. spoke of a similar dream while he yet lived. I get to dreaming of a world where men walk simply without deceit or subterfuge. A kindlier world than the one we know right now, where the strong defend the weak instead of the greedy and to have some manners is not thought to be beneath a warrior’s dignity.
Truth, Justice, Mercy - one cannot impose these things - they must grow out of a man’s striving for himself. We wonder why evil and wickedness exists in the world. Those that follow the Church of the Dying God say that the world is evil because of one Great Sin. I grew up in that religion but can no longer prescribe to it’s remedies. Though we could take the finest sieve and sift the entire universe through it, no molecule of love could ever be found. For no man who has not known despair knows himself, and no man who does not know himself can find the truth; The rhythm of the universe and the Love that sustains it. Whether it is on the mat or the battlefield or in everyday life we must be ready to enter Hell’s Gate and confront all that which lay on the other side. As Dante says in his Divine Comedy’s Inferno, “All hope abandons, ye who enter here.” This is how courage is born.
There is no courage without fear. The Hero of Time taught me that. The bravest is often the most frightened, and if we are afraid of something that means we MUST confront it directly. In that respect, solitude is often fear’s companion. To be afraid is to be alone, but it is only then a person attains that self-discovery. Pain defines and exacts the price of wisdom, and the price is worth paying because it must be paid. The Sufi poet, Rumi says this, “just as clay needs to go through intense heat to become strong, Love can only be perfected in pain.” Through courage one earns honor. In all of life, in my heart, mind, body, and soul, courage is the principle thing.
Shakespeare says that “all the world's a stage.” On earth, every man plays a part and that part is appointed to him by the powers that be before he is even born. In one incarnation a slave, in another a king, in yet others a common soldier, a priest, a merchant, even a politician. In each part, as he plays it out in life for ill or well, he learns something he needs to know until all good and evil have been experienced and the soul can distinguish for itself between the two and so grows towards the perfection that is man’s final goal. A king is not greater than a slave, for both are men. In fact, a king’s role is more difficult, for what a great man does other’s will follow. It is of equal importance that they should act their part so that the play mirrors Truth.
This spirit needs to be awoken, set to a standard, create a pattern that even the dullest can comprehend and strive to achieve. Truth is always simple enough so that a child can understand it. A promise is a promise. Once given it must be kept, lived by, or be forfeit of honor and to the noble dishonor is worse than death.
The Old Faith of the Druids holds that once a vow is made it cannot be unmade without damage to the soul. In this Greater Cosmos we are the Individual Cosmos and in the triad sayings of the Bards, Oviates, and Druids there are three things that no man can alter; The stars in their course, the flowing of the tides, and the pattern that unrolls from the given word.
By the things taught to me, that I’ve learned through my own experience I live in service, given without grudging and without hope of rewards, through the quality of my heart and the respect earned by it. We must honor our own gods and give respect to other men’s. We must seek truth and speak it always, even to our own harm and hurt. We must be worthy of trust and trust one another. I would have us use our strength to protect those that cannot protect themselves; the old, the weak, the infirm, the widows, and the fatherless. Even those that we hate so long as it treads the path of right action. We will have the manners of Kings, equal to any in any land, and so above those things that leaden a man’s spirit: anger, desire, and greed.
To be anything less would shame my family legacy.
***
To me, he was and still is, as kingly as Arthur ever was, and his Round Table was the circle of the Wrestling mat. Lanny was the coach of the Knights of the Hell’s Gate, his companions, his wrestlers, and through his dedication, discipline, compassion, and love he led them to their Legendary State Championship, paving the way and planting the seeds of victory everywhere he went. He has reared many great men, and though I never was a State Champion, I would count myself among those that strive to match his pietas in all that I have done.
He taught me that life was exactly like the struggle on the mat. The philosophies of action and wisdom mix together and become inseparable, where pride can lead one to fall from great heights but through discipline one can rise again without fault or blame to overcome any challenge. For much of my own life I could not put it into words well enough to explain to those outside the circle. The Arena is and always be the place I feel most alive, and now, having traveled along the path to self-discovery, through greater despair and heartaches I have ever read or heard told, the seeds in my heart have matured enough to understand and bear the fruit of wisdom. I write this from jail, a political prisoner in my own community, to remind myself and others what the fight and struggle are really about.
Some might say this is a fight for our lives, but it isn’t. It is a fight for life itself. On the mat the only death is the end of the match, heralded by the whistle of the referee. In the world it is for order and justice and all the ordinary and simple things, the little things we have been deprived of for too long. The things that any decent and healthy society should secure, that the truth of America never has. The guarantee of food, a safe place to rest, roads that any person may travel with security from thriving town to city and to country, into the wilderness and back again. Homes of wealthy folk where some grace of living may grow and mature, free from greed and desire, giving scope to any who wish to hone their craft and those who simply seek to learn. Where anyone can read a book on any philosophy, faith, creed, or science and have a healthy discussion of the thoughts and emotions they provoke. Where lovers can grow old together, watching their children and their children’s children thrive to learn the gentler arts of living. A place where Truth, Justice, and understanding replace violence, intrigue and petty tribal jealousy. That’s my dream for Montana. That is what we are fighting for.
Martin Luther King Jr. spoke of a similar dream while he yet lived. I get to dreaming of a world where men walk simply without deceit or subterfuge. A kindlier world than the one we know right now, where the strong defend the weak instead of the greedy and to have some manners is not thought to be beneath a warrior’s dignity.
Truth, Justice, Mercy - one cannot impose these things - they must grow out of a man’s striving for himself. We wonder why evil and wickedness exists in the world. Those that follow the Church of the Dying God say that the world is evil because of one Great Sin. I grew up in that religion but can no longer prescribe to it’s remedies. Though we could take the finest sieve and sift the entire universe through it, no molecule of love could ever be found. For no man who has not known despair knows himself, and no man who does not know himself can find the truth; The rhythm of the universe and the Love that sustains it. Whether it is on the mat or the battlefield or in everyday life we must be ready to enter Hell’s Gate and confront all that which lay on the other side. As Dante says in his Divine Comedy’s Inferno, “All hope abandons, ye who enter here.” This is how courage is born.
There is no courage without fear. The Hero of Time taught me that. The bravest is often the most frightened, and if we are afraid of something that means we MUST confront it directly. In that respect, solitude is often fear’s companion. To be afraid is to be alone, but it is only then a person attains that self-discovery. Pain defines and exacts the price of wisdom, and the price is worth paying because it must be paid. The Sufi poet, Rumi says this, “just as clay needs to go through intense heat to become strong, Love can only be perfected in pain.” Through courage one earns honor. In all of life, in my heart, mind, body, and soul, courage is the principle thing.
Shakespeare says that “all the world's a stage.” On earth, every man plays a part and that part is appointed to him by the powers that be before he is even born. In one incarnation a slave, in another a king, in yet others a common soldier, a priest, a merchant, even a politician. In each part, as he plays it out in life for ill or well, he learns something he needs to know until all good and evil have been experienced and the soul can distinguish for itself between the two and so grows towards the perfection that is man’s final goal. A king is not greater than a slave, for both are men. In fact, a king’s role is more difficult, for what a great man does other’s will follow. It is of equal importance that they should act their part so that the play mirrors Truth.
This spirit needs to be awoken, set to a standard, create a pattern that even the dullest can comprehend and strive to achieve. Truth is always simple enough so that a child can understand it. A promise is a promise. Once given it must be kept, lived by, or be forfeit of honor and to the noble dishonor is worse than death.
The Old Faith of the Druids holds that once a vow is made it cannot be unmade without damage to the soul. In this Greater Cosmos we are the Individual Cosmos and in the triad sayings of the Bards, Oviates, and Druids there are three things that no man can alter; The stars in their course, the flowing of the tides, and the pattern that unrolls from the given word.
By the things taught to me, that I’ve learned through my own experience I live in service, given without grudging and without hope of rewards, through the quality of my heart and the respect earned by it. We must honor our own gods and give respect to other men’s. We must seek truth and speak it always, even to our own harm and hurt. We must be worthy of trust and trust one another. I would have us use our strength to protect those that cannot protect themselves; the old, the weak, the infirm, the widows, and the fatherless. Even those that we hate so long as it treads the path of right action. We will have the manners of Kings, equal to any in any land, and so above those things that leaden a man’s spirit: anger, desire, and greed.
To be anything less would shame my family legacy.
***
Some that I have spoken to about these things tell me that the depth is intimidating and others have viewed them as only fantasy. One going so far to tell me, “it sounds like you’re just trying to convince yourself.” In my youth, these left me to despair and loneliness, unable to share my soul with another. They have stayed where they are, rooted in place and unable to take the leap in faith that lets one start the journey of a thousand miles with that single step. Faith is not trusting the unknowable or the unseen, faith is understanding the machine of the macroverse and knowing the intelligence behind it is in complete and total control. Though it is not responsible for any of man’s actions.
Where the path of right action will always be Grandpa Lanny’s, the path of wisdom was the way of my Great-Grandfather William Caswell Bryant tread. In my heart of hearts he will always be the greatest man I have ever known, and if I can only be a reflection of his teachings of gentleness and mercy then I know I could light up the whole of creation for a single instance of this one life. He is and always will be my Buddha, my Krishna, my Merlin, and my Captain Jean Luc Picard. It is my hope that right here I can plant the seeds he gave me within others, so that even if his name is forgotten, then the Love he carried will not be.
He was a born enlightened sage, ministering to creation as he walked home from school and church. He once told me that he was pretty sure many of the cows that were pastured in Texas reached the abode of the Supreme Lord, having told them about his Christ the moment he became aware of the Lord’s love himself. “The Holy Cows of Texas!” He would say with a laugh. Brahma’s sign of Grace, I would say today.
At fourteen, he started to lead his Church choir, and through his wanderings west to California and north to Montana, he started 89 churches in his Lord’s name, never taking more than was necessary to live simply. One for every year of his wonderful life. His goal had been one hundred, and I’m sure that if we counted those congregations that grew out of his own works, we’d find maybe ten times that number. He never claimed the works of others as his own, so I’ll honor that.
I was born in Missoula, Montana in Community Hospital. After a series of tragedies my mother experienced, she moved to California to be with my Great-Grandparents for help in raising me while she sought a way to better our lives. My earliest memory is of us sitting on a picnic table in his backyard, a hill, and a toy truck with me on his knee watching the California Sunset. We were moving, I believe, for my toy was a purple U-Haul. His eyes were welling with tears as he told me, “Proof of the Lord’s Love lay with all things beautiful.” He was a poet, and it is these moments that I remember him the most, for it was often that his spirit was moved while I was with him and his wisdom shone brighter than if a thousand suns rose in the sky at dawn.
My Lord of Lord’s, how I miss him.
When we moved back to Montana, my mother decided that she was going to take up the familial legacy of teaching. It is here, truly, that my own initiation began and the paths of my grandfathers converged into me, to be shaped and molded by my mother, beaten into me by my uncle, and tested against the Darkness of the World. Three great peoples, and their many branches, producing me, the fruit of their legacy.
***
I remember much of those early years thanks to my mother teaching me simply how to learn. She wired my grey-matter sponge to love it, seek it, devour it, understand and regurgitate it in my own words and expressions. Coupled with the wisdom, emotion, and grace of my Great-Grandfather, the discipline and determination of my Grandpa, I couldn’t have asked for a better childhood. The one glaring gap, like a missing tooth, was a solid father-figure. Because of that I also grew wilder than most. Not rebellious, but wild, like a bear, wandering on my own merit in nature’s grace. While I did wonder about my own father on earth, I was told that, “My Father, who art in Heaven” loved me more than I could ever know and that I was here because he willed it. In this aspect, I was completely self-created, for in my own heart and imagination I clung to him in my loneliness and it is that same heart that the ideals I live by were shaped.
What is more powerful than a young boy’s need to prove himself worthy of a Father crafted in his own heart and mind?
***
Where the path of right action will always be Grandpa Lanny’s, the path of wisdom was the way of my Great-Grandfather William Caswell Bryant tread. In my heart of hearts he will always be the greatest man I have ever known, and if I can only be a reflection of his teachings of gentleness and mercy then I know I could light up the whole of creation for a single instance of this one life. He is and always will be my Buddha, my Krishna, my Merlin, and my Captain Jean Luc Picard. It is my hope that right here I can plant the seeds he gave me within others, so that even if his name is forgotten, then the Love he carried will not be.
He was a born enlightened sage, ministering to creation as he walked home from school and church. He once told me that he was pretty sure many of the cows that were pastured in Texas reached the abode of the Supreme Lord, having told them about his Christ the moment he became aware of the Lord’s love himself. “The Holy Cows of Texas!” He would say with a laugh. Brahma’s sign of Grace, I would say today.
At fourteen, he started to lead his Church choir, and through his wanderings west to California and north to Montana, he started 89 churches in his Lord’s name, never taking more than was necessary to live simply. One for every year of his wonderful life. His goal had been one hundred, and I’m sure that if we counted those congregations that grew out of his own works, we’d find maybe ten times that number. He never claimed the works of others as his own, so I’ll honor that.
I was born in Missoula, Montana in Community Hospital. After a series of tragedies my mother experienced, she moved to California to be with my Great-Grandparents for help in raising me while she sought a way to better our lives. My earliest memory is of us sitting on a picnic table in his backyard, a hill, and a toy truck with me on his knee watching the California Sunset. We were moving, I believe, for my toy was a purple U-Haul. His eyes were welling with tears as he told me, “Proof of the Lord’s Love lay with all things beautiful.” He was a poet, and it is these moments that I remember him the most, for it was often that his spirit was moved while I was with him and his wisdom shone brighter than if a thousand suns rose in the sky at dawn.
My Lord of Lord’s, how I miss him.
When we moved back to Montana, my mother decided that she was going to take up the familial legacy of teaching. It is here, truly, that my own initiation began and the paths of my grandfathers converged into me, to be shaped and molded by my mother, beaten into me by my uncle, and tested against the Darkness of the World. Three great peoples, and their many branches, producing me, the fruit of their legacy.
***
I remember much of those early years thanks to my mother teaching me simply how to learn. She wired my grey-matter sponge to love it, seek it, devour it, understand and regurgitate it in my own words and expressions. Coupled with the wisdom, emotion, and grace of my Great-Grandfather, the discipline and determination of my Grandpa, I couldn’t have asked for a better childhood. The one glaring gap, like a missing tooth, was a solid father-figure. Because of that I also grew wilder than most. Not rebellious, but wild, like a bear, wandering on my own merit in nature’s grace. While I did wonder about my own father on earth, I was told that, “My Father, who art in Heaven” loved me more than I could ever know and that I was here because he willed it. In this aspect, I was completely self-created, for in my own heart and imagination I clung to him in my loneliness and it is that same heart that the ideals I live by were shaped.
What is more powerful than a young boy’s need to prove himself worthy of a Father crafted in his own heart and mind?
***
My mother, born in 1961 in Garden Grove, California to Lanny and Ann Bryant, given the unique combination of their names: LanAnn. She was the eldest of five, born to young boomer parents, and the strongest woman I’ve ever met. Her heart is large enough to hold the weights of oceans and her mind bright enough to see the turnings of the stars. Though she has been given a few rough turns down unknown roads, her faith has been her guide and her wisdom to me in my own difficulties has always been simply, “just do the right thing.” She is a Priestess of Solitude, courageous beyond measure, and a balm of comfort in my own pain. Whatever I could say would never do her justice. She has the dignity of Mother Mary, herself, and if there is another woman as selfless as her I have not yet encountered that being. She deserves every blessing that her Lord could bestow, and she would only ask for love. The tragedies she has endured has only made her more flexible and stronger than Damascus steel, and sharper than any sword, and the only thing she would cut through are the lies and illusions of the world. Her two daughters are no less magnificent. If I, myself, are the lesser of her three children, it is only because of my wild nature. My sisters exhibit all the qualities nature gave my moth, in their own unique way more refined, like one refines the scent of a flower in a perfume or the way one can hone a knife to cut clean with a sharp edge. Evolution at play, I would say, and empowerment at work.
***
***
If I could write their stories, I would, but I can only write of their influence on my own. I start this piece with my family because you should know where I come from; a stone's throw from Eden. Where I have gone has taken me beyond Hell’s Gate, into the heart of the Abyss, my soul raked across the coals of oblivion until only a fragment of a fragment remained. The loss of my perceived self so great that I did everything I could to escape existence as a fox caught in a hunter’s trap gnaws its own foot off, and yet by grace I'm still here, if not whole, ready to grow and live again. This isn’t an instructions manual or even a biography. It is an intimate examination of my own soul so that I can see into me and maybe recover that hope that abandons us in our own hellscape.
My path has been high, indeed, and as my favorite author says, “Upon the heights the paths are paved with Daggers.”
My path has been high, indeed, and as my favorite author says, “Upon the heights the paths are paved with Daggers.”
07 February 2020
02 February 2020
The House Major of Candyland: The plagued Rat Who Believed itself to be a Rhino
I'll be quick and dirty with this one because Rynearson is a Government slut who likes to take that fat military idustrial cock then watch as his wife is fucked by better men. He's the Rat that pretends to be a Rhino. The House Major of Candyland.
Rick Rynearson continues to paint targets on my back. He's been stalking me and harassing me ever since I began blowing the whistle on America’s disastrous drone program. He’s stalked me online and done everything he can to ruin my reputation, no matter what I’m doing, always trying to distract the American people away from my statements; about the disastrous wars we shouldn’t be engaged with anymore; wars that cause horror many of us cannot un-see, and cannot condone.
Even now in my home town, Rick Rynearson is fear-mongering individuals in my community, alleging that I’m threatening physical violence upon them. Ludicrous.
So who is this Rick Rynearson, and why does he save such a hard-on for me?
He dispatched several USMC veterans, Via a website called "This Aint Hell" all of whom had been propagandized to his views to such a degree that they sought my harm; a fellow brother-in-arms. The only reason they relented was, they said, “out of respect for my grandfather.”
So here we have a situation where local politics is reaching such a boiling point, with our citizens committing suicide all around us, with all of our local businesses closing down, with one of the highest income disparities in the country, where emotions are very high, and we’re once again distracting attention AWAY from the pressing issues of extreme suffering in our community.
And because emotions are high, certain elements of identity politics are rearing their ugly head again. And right now that’s manifesting with certain elected officials in my town feeling threatened because this online bully continues to blow my statements completely out of proportion and take them completely out of context. He’s attempting to again rob me of the quality of my words, but this time it involves my very own community, which I cherish more than my own life. That’s why I swore an oath to the Constitution to defend my community from all threats, both foreign and domestic.
I’m being smeared as threatening a public official with whom I disagree Politically. I was recently featured on our local media station (KECI, Missoula) for voicing my opposition to the misuse and abuse of Montana’s Tax Increment Financing statute, which is causing measurable harm to many people and nobody wants to talk about it. And now that people like ME are talking about it, they’re trying to silence the issue once again.
I’ve been notified of a potential restraining order that would bar me from attending City Council meetings in my town – a town I was born in, where many activists have been voicing vociferous opposition to Neo-liberal policies that disadvantage Montana taxpayers to extreme and absurd degrees.
This translates into a truth-teller being potentially robbed of his 1st Amendment rights for honestly voicing the frustration and despair felt by people all around me the community over; people our elected officials CLAIM to represent. Things are really dark in Missoula and nobody is talking about it. And okay, I admit it. I've had a mental breakdown. I blew the whistle and it seemed like nothing happened; I was ousted from my church; I was excommunicated from my family; I lost my job; I lost my son; I lost my health. Even my housing. Of COURSE I've lost my mind!
But my heart is in the right place.
I sincerely hope the members of my community do not seriously believe I mean them physical harm. Let me spell it out: I mean no physical violence to anyone; an oath I swore after I left that infernal drone program. I’m a disabled veteran for God’s sake. I’m tired of unnecessary fighting with people just as under-served by the status quo as I am. That’s why I became a whistle-blower. Hello?
Furthermore, I sincerely hope the members of my community take note of this Rick Rynearson character - who started a GoFundMe to pay for his legal fees that accrue from all of the slander suits he dodges on a constant basis due to his highly inflammatory nature, defaming the character of people who tell the truth about war. He's guilty of what he accuses me of; he has a history of harassing public officials in his town. This is the pot calling the kettle black.
For some reason, Rick Rynearson can't seem to find anything better to do with his days but demonize me as the reason for all the problems in our world. It’s a really sad state of affairs, and I trust the highly-literate Missoulians all around me can see right through this blatant tactic to again disarm the will of the popular majority. Missoula taxpayers are losing out big time. Our 500 homeless school children are losing out big time. And our suicide statistics are not getting better.
Let’s focus on the issues, please. Reducing this to personality seems pretty infantile at this point.
Please quit diverting the issues into ad hominem attacks on my personality, and competing in the victim-Olympics of the little-boy-who-cried wolf.
--
The above statements represent those made by Brandon W. Bryant.
Best regards.
--
Rick Rynearson continues to paint targets on my back. He's been stalking me and harassing me ever since I began blowing the whistle on America’s disastrous drone program. He’s stalked me online and done everything he can to ruin my reputation, no matter what I’m doing, always trying to distract the American people away from my statements; about the disastrous wars we shouldn’t be engaged with anymore; wars that cause horror many of us cannot un-see, and cannot condone.
Even now in my home town, Rick Rynearson is fear-mongering individuals in my community, alleging that I’m threatening physical violence upon them. Ludicrous.
So who is this Rick Rynearson, and why does he save such a hard-on for me?
He dispatched several USMC veterans, Via a website called "This Aint Hell" all of whom had been propagandized to his views to such a degree that they sought my harm; a fellow brother-in-arms. The only reason they relented was, they said, “out of respect for my grandfather.”
So here we have a situation where local politics is reaching such a boiling point, with our citizens committing suicide all around us, with all of our local businesses closing down, with one of the highest income disparities in the country, where emotions are very high, and we’re once again distracting attention AWAY from the pressing issues of extreme suffering in our community.
And because emotions are high, certain elements of identity politics are rearing their ugly head again. And right now that’s manifesting with certain elected officials in my town feeling threatened because this online bully continues to blow my statements completely out of proportion and take them completely out of context. He’s attempting to again rob me of the quality of my words, but this time it involves my very own community, which I cherish more than my own life. That’s why I swore an oath to the Constitution to defend my community from all threats, both foreign and domestic.
I’m being smeared as threatening a public official with whom I disagree Politically. I was recently featured on our local media station (KECI, Missoula) for voicing my opposition to the misuse and abuse of Montana’s Tax Increment Financing statute, which is causing measurable harm to many people and nobody wants to talk about it. And now that people like ME are talking about it, they’re trying to silence the issue once again.
I’ve been notified of a potential restraining order that would bar me from attending City Council meetings in my town – a town I was born in, where many activists have been voicing vociferous opposition to Neo-liberal policies that disadvantage Montana taxpayers to extreme and absurd degrees.
This translates into a truth-teller being potentially robbed of his 1st Amendment rights for honestly voicing the frustration and despair felt by people all around me the community over; people our elected officials CLAIM to represent. Things are really dark in Missoula and nobody is talking about it. And okay, I admit it. I've had a mental breakdown. I blew the whistle and it seemed like nothing happened; I was ousted from my church; I was excommunicated from my family; I lost my job; I lost my son; I lost my health. Even my housing. Of COURSE I've lost my mind!
But my heart is in the right place.
I sincerely hope the members of my community do not seriously believe I mean them physical harm. Let me spell it out: I mean no physical violence to anyone; an oath I swore after I left that infernal drone program. I’m a disabled veteran for God’s sake. I’m tired of unnecessary fighting with people just as under-served by the status quo as I am. That’s why I became a whistle-blower. Hello?
Furthermore, I sincerely hope the members of my community take note of this Rick Rynearson character - who started a GoFundMe to pay for his legal fees that accrue from all of the slander suits he dodges on a constant basis due to his highly inflammatory nature, defaming the character of people who tell the truth about war. He's guilty of what he accuses me of; he has a history of harassing public officials in his town. This is the pot calling the kettle black.
For some reason, Rick Rynearson can't seem to find anything better to do with his days but demonize me as the reason for all the problems in our world. It’s a really sad state of affairs, and I trust the highly-literate Missoulians all around me can see right through this blatant tactic to again disarm the will of the popular majority. Missoula taxpayers are losing out big time. Our 500 homeless school children are losing out big time. And our suicide statistics are not getting better.
Let’s focus on the issues, please. Reducing this to personality seems pretty infantile at this point.
Please quit diverting the issues into ad hominem attacks on my personality, and competing in the victim-Olympics of the little-boy-who-cried wolf.
--
The above statements represent those made by Brandon W. Bryant.
Best regards.
--
16 September 2019
Dear JSOC
Dear JSOC,
I want to thank you for what you have taught me and for allowing me to bring to light the experiences I had in the dark of a trailer watching the intricate play of War in front of my eyes. Through your mission I was able to fulfill a vow that I had never told anyone about, that after my stint in the 15th Recon Squadron (RS), I would never shoot anyone ever again. But here is what I have learned and what I want to share with you about a warrior's role in the greater world, and what it will mean for your own survival. I'm sure you've been briefed upon who I am, and you probably know more about me that I do. So I hope you take this very seriously.
Sometimes I feel lucky for having gone your direction. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have had the chance to dedicate myself to the concept of duty before self, then seriously explore what the duty was to myself to mend my own soul. I spent a long time contemplating much of who I am today under the wings of the Dragon. One particular man who was part of OP Anaconda gave me his side of the story and a particular piece of advice that I've held close to my heart ever since. He said, "It doesn't matter what awards or decorations that you get, always do what you know is right because you're a master of your craft, not because somebody told you to do it." Maybe because you know me you know how many times I've violated it against myself and that I've not turned that violence against anyone other than myself. After the incident with the child I hated myself more than I hated anything else in existence.
I tried to make shit right with everyone but it kept backfiring. I believe I was cursed for what I had done. Forever cursed. You should understand the desperation that I've experienced; No one would grieve with me and the incident was forgotten as if nothing happened. I couldn't talk about it on the phone, though you probably have records of those conversations, since everyone one of us was monitored. I feel like most of them were ignorant shills, living office drama that played out while death danced upon infrared screens.
You inherited a mess for sure. But now it is time to reassess what it is that is happening right now.
I'm sure some of your men have had near death experiences and that you've probably got a division that works more shit beyond what I could comprehend; there is a reason why there is extensive philosophical and spiritual knowledge to being true warriors. If nothing else, you've explored why there are so many veteran suicides many due to the invisible wounds that have become the ghosts of the veteran community.
What I hope is that you I don't continue the illusion of war simply because the money is good. The United States Joint Special Operations Command should not be a mercenary group for the highest bidder. I feel like a guy who was simply given the patch to fill an empty slot shouldn't have to be the one to point this out. Maybe I'm like the kid from the Emperor's New Clothes. I don't know when to shut my mouth.
But seriously, how is it that this has gotten out of hand? How is it that you have allowed the most incompetent of incompetent group of politicians to disgrace your honor by dragging it through unjust and evil wars? How is it that you take the noblest of all beasts and have him do the dirtiest and dishonorable job under the banner of the most supreme of nature's creations?
How is it that your supposed to protect the Republic while causing mayhem across the globe at the behest of the Central Intelligence Agency? When we create our own enemies to fight, there is no end to it. There needs to be an end to it. And maybe it's because I fucking hate the 17th RS and the people I knew within it. I also feel like my Legacy is attached to yours, and if I am to lift myself up I must lift up my whole history. I must share the lessons that I have learned so that you do not send more young men and women over the edge without the ability to come back from it. And I must let go of my hatred of my experiences to move forward. The only way I can think of is to learn from it. Not looking at the negative or positive, separating good or evil, but as a whole chapter with character resolution.
Behind the veil which hides the unseen, man will confront the final destiny of his soul. The ancients say that those of us that have participated in the destruction of life deserve no reward in an afterlife. I hate sounding like a broken record or a spiritual lunatic, but the things that I have seen and experienced have been very real. How I have survived is a miracle in itself, and if we are to stop the madness that the United States has gotten itself into it must start with the tip of the spear. It must withdraw and refuse to be used for unrighteous warfare. Heroes and legends come from men and women who turn against the darkness, not from those who were puppets used for illicit gains. Those are spoken about by the common folk in horror and disgust.
You and those under your command must change the way that you operate or face oblivion when finally crossing the veil. And you will also continue to lose men and women to themselves every time they go home and have to live with what they've done. It is a great honor to fight against a deserving enemy, it is a great tragedy that our warriors despair enough to murder themselves because of their mistreatment.
My great grandfather ministered to a great many people, but I am not sure he ever did for the warrior class. I feel like I keep turning back to his teachings over and over again. They were rarely about Christ, when he talked to me at least. They were about love, and not just any love but the Great Love that the Creator has for all of his creations. After my guided shamanic experiences, I understand the truth of it. I've felt it, overflowed with it. After the burning of my self hate it was a quenching draught of peace. It has only been my attachment to people, events, and things that I have sense realized disturb it. The pain never went away, however. I'm not sure it ever will.
I'm unsure if I could ever properly describe soul pain. We all experience it in a manner. Mine is from murder. It's really the only thing that I feel I've done that is unforgivable. It wounded my spirit severely. To the point where the injury I sustained I believed it was Karma punishment for what I had done, not realizing that it was done on purpose to prevent me from speaking out about my experiences. All I could think of these last 7 years has been the pain and how to end it. The desperation drove me over the edge of sanity and through multiple experiences of soul death. I think it was my grandfather's teachings on that soul that has made me even aware of what I understand I've experienced.
There is so much more to uncover, and I couldn't even imagine what the men who have been on the ground have to come back from. But I think I have the knowledge to bring them back. And it is all thanks to you. I got to bear witness. If you listen, maybe you won't be part of the collapse of the USA but of the rebuilding of her foundation as a true beacon of light for mankind. It starts with those with blood on their hands. The warrior spirit must be purified, it starts with us.
Respectfully,
Staff Sergeant Brandon W. Bryant
200th Dragon of the 3rd Special Operations Squadron
I want to thank you for what you have taught me and for allowing me to bring to light the experiences I had in the dark of a trailer watching the intricate play of War in front of my eyes. Through your mission I was able to fulfill a vow that I had never told anyone about, that after my stint in the 15th Recon Squadron (RS), I would never shoot anyone ever again. But here is what I have learned and what I want to share with you about a warrior's role in the greater world, and what it will mean for your own survival. I'm sure you've been briefed upon who I am, and you probably know more about me that I do. So I hope you take this very seriously.
Sometimes I feel lucky for having gone your direction. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have had the chance to dedicate myself to the concept of duty before self, then seriously explore what the duty was to myself to mend my own soul. I spent a long time contemplating much of who I am today under the wings of the Dragon. One particular man who was part of OP Anaconda gave me his side of the story and a particular piece of advice that I've held close to my heart ever since. He said, "It doesn't matter what awards or decorations that you get, always do what you know is right because you're a master of your craft, not because somebody told you to do it." Maybe because you know me you know how many times I've violated it against myself and that I've not turned that violence against anyone other than myself. After the incident with the child I hated myself more than I hated anything else in existence.
I tried to make shit right with everyone but it kept backfiring. I believe I was cursed for what I had done. Forever cursed. You should understand the desperation that I've experienced; No one would grieve with me and the incident was forgotten as if nothing happened. I couldn't talk about it on the phone, though you probably have records of those conversations, since everyone one of us was monitored. I feel like most of them were ignorant shills, living office drama that played out while death danced upon infrared screens.
You inherited a mess for sure. But now it is time to reassess what it is that is happening right now.
I'm sure some of your men have had near death experiences and that you've probably got a division that works more shit beyond what I could comprehend; there is a reason why there is extensive philosophical and spiritual knowledge to being true warriors. If nothing else, you've explored why there are so many veteran suicides many due to the invisible wounds that have become the ghosts of the veteran community.
What I hope is that you I don't continue the illusion of war simply because the money is good. The United States Joint Special Operations Command should not be a mercenary group for the highest bidder. I feel like a guy who was simply given the patch to fill an empty slot shouldn't have to be the one to point this out. Maybe I'm like the kid from the Emperor's New Clothes. I don't know when to shut my mouth.
But seriously, how is it that this has gotten out of hand? How is it that you have allowed the most incompetent of incompetent group of politicians to disgrace your honor by dragging it through unjust and evil wars? How is it that you take the noblest of all beasts and have him do the dirtiest and dishonorable job under the banner of the most supreme of nature's creations?
How is it that your supposed to protect the Republic while causing mayhem across the globe at the behest of the Central Intelligence Agency? When we create our own enemies to fight, there is no end to it. There needs to be an end to it. And maybe it's because I fucking hate the 17th RS and the people I knew within it. I also feel like my Legacy is attached to yours, and if I am to lift myself up I must lift up my whole history. I must share the lessons that I have learned so that you do not send more young men and women over the edge without the ability to come back from it. And I must let go of my hatred of my experiences to move forward. The only way I can think of is to learn from it. Not looking at the negative or positive, separating good or evil, but as a whole chapter with character resolution.
Behind the veil which hides the unseen, man will confront the final destiny of his soul. The ancients say that those of us that have participated in the destruction of life deserve no reward in an afterlife. I hate sounding like a broken record or a spiritual lunatic, but the things that I have seen and experienced have been very real. How I have survived is a miracle in itself, and if we are to stop the madness that the United States has gotten itself into it must start with the tip of the spear. It must withdraw and refuse to be used for unrighteous warfare. Heroes and legends come from men and women who turn against the darkness, not from those who were puppets used for illicit gains. Those are spoken about by the common folk in horror and disgust.
You and those under your command must change the way that you operate or face oblivion when finally crossing the veil. And you will also continue to lose men and women to themselves every time they go home and have to live with what they've done. It is a great honor to fight against a deserving enemy, it is a great tragedy that our warriors despair enough to murder themselves because of their mistreatment.
My great grandfather ministered to a great many people, but I am not sure he ever did for the warrior class. I feel like I keep turning back to his teachings over and over again. They were rarely about Christ, when he talked to me at least. They were about love, and not just any love but the Great Love that the Creator has for all of his creations. After my guided shamanic experiences, I understand the truth of it. I've felt it, overflowed with it. After the burning of my self hate it was a quenching draught of peace. It has only been my attachment to people, events, and things that I have sense realized disturb it. The pain never went away, however. I'm not sure it ever will.
I'm unsure if I could ever properly describe soul pain. We all experience it in a manner. Mine is from murder. It's really the only thing that I feel I've done that is unforgivable. It wounded my spirit severely. To the point where the injury I sustained I believed it was Karma punishment for what I had done, not realizing that it was done on purpose to prevent me from speaking out about my experiences. All I could think of these last 7 years has been the pain and how to end it. The desperation drove me over the edge of sanity and through multiple experiences of soul death. I think it was my grandfather's teachings on that soul that has made me even aware of what I understand I've experienced.
There is so much more to uncover, and I couldn't even imagine what the men who have been on the ground have to come back from. But I think I have the knowledge to bring them back. And it is all thanks to you. I got to bear witness. If you listen, maybe you won't be part of the collapse of the USA but of the rebuilding of her foundation as a true beacon of light for mankind. It starts with those with blood on their hands. The warrior spirit must be purified, it starts with us.
Respectfully,
Staff Sergeant Brandon W. Bryant
200th Dragon of the 3rd Special Operations Squadron
Upon the Winds
“Dream delivers us to dream, and there is no end to illusion. Life is like a train of moods like a string of beads, and, as we pass through them, they prove to be many-colored lenses which paint the world their own hue. . . . ”
-Ralph Waldo Emmerson
***
***
The twenty first chapter of the Tao te Ching saith thus, "For the countenance of great virtue, only the Way is to be followed. As a thing, the Way is abstract and elusive: elusive and abstract, there are images in it; abstract and elusive, there is something there. Recondite, hidden, it has vitality therein: that vitality is very real; it has information therein. From ancient times to now, its name is the undeparting; thereby are seen all beginnings. How do I know all beginnings are so? By this."
All lore and all mythology want to point to a beginning, a place where we can say it all started, so we can prepare ourselves for the inevitable ending that is on its way. Science and philosophy delve into the same waters and pretend that they know better when all they are is another language to examine the anatomy of the universe. It's all the same, it is only dogma and ignorance that say otherwise.
It has been 13 years since I first murdered for the United States Air Force Drone Wing of the Military Industrial Complex. One year for each targeted death that I hold upon my soul. I had once thought that the military was a means to an end in escaping the financial debt that plagues the common man and students of our day and age. Little did I realize that the experience, as well as beyond, would exact a price that I had to pay. It would strip my soul of everything that I had once held dear, belief in mankind, god, the universe, and myself, leaving me an empty shell of my former ideologies, wishing for an ending that would never come.
Originally I was going to join the military to pay for my education to become a teacher, doing my duty for the greater good of "god and country." It seemed like such a simple plan. I only sought another avenue to do what my family has been doing for generations: teaching and giving wisdom to each person under our tutelage, ministering to the needs of the people.
However, that is not what I have found. Instead I find that the United States Government is a parasite, the wealthy stealing their riches from the workers, while the military industrial complex survives not by honor and duty but on the blood of it's own children which are sacrificed to the almighty dollar under the illusion of fighting an enemy that we have no plans on conquering. Religion? I find that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam are the true Satanic religions for they divide and separate man from nature. They have been used to control the idiotic masses so effectively that man has turned against itself as the body would against a typically vicious cancer.
This is probably the nicest way to say all of this. I have looked the parasite in the eye, traveled through the belly of the beast, fought hard for my own sanctity of heart, mind, body and soul. I tried to escape it, the bearing of witness, the pain and horror.
A man cannot be truly a man until he faces the pain and the horror.
I have traveled all over the world, worked with shamans and mystics, sages and psychologists, in order to escape or destroy it. Neither have been possible. What I have learned through mediation is that awareness of it all is only half of it. The other half is being able to hold it all without crumbling under the weight or the pain. This combination leads to true power.
See, my country made me murder. Not only that, they made me murder a child and tried to brush it off as a dog. Upon that very fact alone do I have the authority and power to bring justice to those that feed as vampires upon human suffering. Upon that very fact alone do I have the right to destroy the very foundations which created this very sick society we live in. Then they stole my son and set me up with a fake lover. Upon that I will destroy the world and everyone in it.
Those that stood by while it happened. That took my story from me and profited off of my own personal misery will be ground under my heel. Those that proclaimed me as their ally then betrayed my trust, knifing me in the back while I tried to find rest and recovery... I will devour their souls. The power is available to me. When I am done the whole world will tremble before me. This isn't a joke. I will not wage war or bring violence to anyone. It is not against flesh and blood we fight but against the principalities and powers which govern this world, and it is the power within me that is infinitely more powerful than that which is in the world.
It just took a lot of pain and suffering to find it.
I discovered that magic and the occult are real. Hell, the beings that are in positions of power have tried to hide that fact from us by placing it in the realm of fantasy and in religious texts that have been put together to make no sense to the common man who sees no more than what lay on the surface; The Bible.
I tried to disbelieve. Cursed the very gods themselves in fury and despondency. They answered. Oh did they answer.
Since January of this year I have given myself totally to the idea of perfecting the self and tapping into that internal power that is spoken of in stories and myths. I had no where else to turn. My family failed me, my friends failed me, my government, my military, everything that is external to myself have failed me when I needed them to support me in my struggles. When I turned inward, I didn't think that I could experience more pain. I was a fool.
The things that I have seen and experienced are of the Tao. In order for a great awakening to happen one must experience great pain. We love our enemies not because we want them to be like us. We love them because they teach us what is worthy to stand against and they give us a solid thing that we can fight against. If I've learned anything in this lifetime is that humanity as a whole is my enemy, and I will see them destroyed fully and in it's entirety. In this lifetime or the next, it matters not. In time it will be seen.
All I had wanted was a family and a community where I was loved and a useful part of. Everything that I had dreamt of was stolen from me, by many greedy individuals who never deigned to do anything other than seek a selfish profit from it all. But like I said earlier, there is a price for everything. If you're reading this you have to know it. You will pay. Everything dies. In that place that is between worlds I will be waiting and you will not be born again. So saith I.
I will dive into the deepest depths of my soul and bring forth the power that is most ancient, yet permeates everything. I will sacrifice my whole being to the Supreme, die while still living, merge with the Eternal, and lay down the justice of the One in All. I am not a prophet. I am not the messiah. I am a man who has been wronged beyond anything I could have ever conceived and I will have justice. Vengeance I will leave to God.
I will not raise a weapon against my enemy, unless it is in self defense. I will not take to the streets and lead. I will stand alone against all the forces arrayed against me and I will be victorious, in this life and the next.
If you believe me to be insane or find this to be a bunch of superstition, then you have never felt the pain that I have felt due to the madness of the world, and you have never looked deeper into the nature of the self and the universe than what you've been led to believe. That is fine. Everything will be seen for what it is.
Here is a lesson for you: my pain is my power. Desperation has led me further than I had once thought possible. Faith led me through the fire without being burnt, my own authority and truth have given me the strength where I thought I had none. You have all born witness to it. I need not speak of it further.
Fear me. Fear what I have had to become in order to set the balance right. You have only this life to live. Use it well, you will get no other.
All lore and all mythology want to point to a beginning, a place where we can say it all started, so we can prepare ourselves for the inevitable ending that is on its way. Science and philosophy delve into the same waters and pretend that they know better when all they are is another language to examine the anatomy of the universe. It's all the same, it is only dogma and ignorance that say otherwise.
It has been 13 years since I first murdered for the United States Air Force Drone Wing of the Military Industrial Complex. One year for each targeted death that I hold upon my soul. I had once thought that the military was a means to an end in escaping the financial debt that plagues the common man and students of our day and age. Little did I realize that the experience, as well as beyond, would exact a price that I had to pay. It would strip my soul of everything that I had once held dear, belief in mankind, god, the universe, and myself, leaving me an empty shell of my former ideologies, wishing for an ending that would never come.
Originally I was going to join the military to pay for my education to become a teacher, doing my duty for the greater good of "god and country." It seemed like such a simple plan. I only sought another avenue to do what my family has been doing for generations: teaching and giving wisdom to each person under our tutelage, ministering to the needs of the people.
However, that is not what I have found. Instead I find that the United States Government is a parasite, the wealthy stealing their riches from the workers, while the military industrial complex survives not by honor and duty but on the blood of it's own children which are sacrificed to the almighty dollar under the illusion of fighting an enemy that we have no plans on conquering. Religion? I find that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam are the true Satanic religions for they divide and separate man from nature. They have been used to control the idiotic masses so effectively that man has turned against itself as the body would against a typically vicious cancer.
This is probably the nicest way to say all of this. I have looked the parasite in the eye, traveled through the belly of the beast, fought hard for my own sanctity of heart, mind, body and soul. I tried to escape it, the bearing of witness, the pain and horror.
A man cannot be truly a man until he faces the pain and the horror.
I have traveled all over the world, worked with shamans and mystics, sages and psychologists, in order to escape or destroy it. Neither have been possible. What I have learned through mediation is that awareness of it all is only half of it. The other half is being able to hold it all without crumbling under the weight or the pain. This combination leads to true power.
See, my country made me murder. Not only that, they made me murder a child and tried to brush it off as a dog. Upon that very fact alone do I have the authority and power to bring justice to those that feed as vampires upon human suffering. Upon that very fact alone do I have the right to destroy the very foundations which created this very sick society we live in. Then they stole my son and set me up with a fake lover. Upon that I will destroy the world and everyone in it.
Those that stood by while it happened. That took my story from me and profited off of my own personal misery will be ground under my heel. Those that proclaimed me as their ally then betrayed my trust, knifing me in the back while I tried to find rest and recovery... I will devour their souls. The power is available to me. When I am done the whole world will tremble before me. This isn't a joke. I will not wage war or bring violence to anyone. It is not against flesh and blood we fight but against the principalities and powers which govern this world, and it is the power within me that is infinitely more powerful than that which is in the world.
It just took a lot of pain and suffering to find it.
I discovered that magic and the occult are real. Hell, the beings that are in positions of power have tried to hide that fact from us by placing it in the realm of fantasy and in religious texts that have been put together to make no sense to the common man who sees no more than what lay on the surface; The Bible.
I tried to disbelieve. Cursed the very gods themselves in fury and despondency. They answered. Oh did they answer.
Since January of this year I have given myself totally to the idea of perfecting the self and tapping into that internal power that is spoken of in stories and myths. I had no where else to turn. My family failed me, my friends failed me, my government, my military, everything that is external to myself have failed me when I needed them to support me in my struggles. When I turned inward, I didn't think that I could experience more pain. I was a fool.
The things that I have seen and experienced are of the Tao. In order for a great awakening to happen one must experience great pain. We love our enemies not because we want them to be like us. We love them because they teach us what is worthy to stand against and they give us a solid thing that we can fight against. If I've learned anything in this lifetime is that humanity as a whole is my enemy, and I will see them destroyed fully and in it's entirety. In this lifetime or the next, it matters not. In time it will be seen.
All I had wanted was a family and a community where I was loved and a useful part of. Everything that I had dreamt of was stolen from me, by many greedy individuals who never deigned to do anything other than seek a selfish profit from it all. But like I said earlier, there is a price for everything. If you're reading this you have to know it. You will pay. Everything dies. In that place that is between worlds I will be waiting and you will not be born again. So saith I.
I will dive into the deepest depths of my soul and bring forth the power that is most ancient, yet permeates everything. I will sacrifice my whole being to the Supreme, die while still living, merge with the Eternal, and lay down the justice of the One in All. I am not a prophet. I am not the messiah. I am a man who has been wronged beyond anything I could have ever conceived and I will have justice. Vengeance I will leave to God.
I will not raise a weapon against my enemy, unless it is in self defense. I will not take to the streets and lead. I will stand alone against all the forces arrayed against me and I will be victorious, in this life and the next.
If you believe me to be insane or find this to be a bunch of superstition, then you have never felt the pain that I have felt due to the madness of the world, and you have never looked deeper into the nature of the self and the universe than what you've been led to believe. That is fine. Everything will be seen for what it is.
Here is a lesson for you: my pain is my power. Desperation has led me further than I had once thought possible. Faith led me through the fire without being burnt, my own authority and truth have given me the strength where I thought I had none. You have all born witness to it. I need not speak of it further.
Fear me. Fear what I have had to become in order to set the balance right. You have only this life to live. Use it well, you will get no other.
09 December 2018
Farewell to Arms
HIS golden locks Time hath to silver turn'd;
O Time too swift, O swiftness never ceasing!
His youth 'gainst time and age hath ever spurn'd,
But spurn'd in vain; youth waneth by increasing:
Beauty, strength, youth, are flowers but fading seen;
Duty, faith, love, are roots, and ever green.
His helmet now shall make a hive for bees;
And, lovers' sonnets turn'd to holy psalms,
A man-at-arms must now serve on his knees,
And feed on prayers, which are Age his alms:
But though from court to cottage he depart,
His Saint is sure of his unspotted heart.
And when he saddest sits in homely cell,
He'll teach his swains this carol for a song,--
'Blest be the hearts that wish my sovereign well,
Curst be the souls that think her any wrong.'
Goddess, allow this aged man his right
To be your beadsman now that was your knight.
-George Peele, ~1500s to Queen Elizabeth
***
I hope that when history looks back in time to view us they look upon us with sorrow instead of distaste. I hope they look mercifully in their judgement, that many of us were acting not out of ignorance, but out of naivete. However, on the trajectory that we are on it seems that hope will have abandoned us for there is only one end on this path: extinction.
I think my end of things has been more of stupidity than anything else. Naivete means that I was blind to what I had right in front of me. Stupidity succeeded where ignorance could not; by being unaware of the obvious truth that was shining it's headlamp directly into my face believing that we couldn't be the ones in the wrong. I just wasn't seeing the whole picture. I should trust my leadership.
I did, as they abused and mistreated me for a misdeed that I didn't even commit. Punishing me for meaningless things, degrading my sense of right by telling me to not questions decisions made by higher ranking individuals. They told me that it was "god's will" for me to do this and for me to kill those people. For me to feel this way about what we have done. All the while isolating me from my peers.
It forced me inward. Beat me into a lonely contemplation, wondering how humanity could ever be this way towards one another. I was a soft hearted person. I have grieved the loss of many things since this whole military bullshit began, but I have grieved for nothing more than the loss of my dreams of who I could be.
After this last interview on RT, I always like to check the comments section for the amount of bullshit I'm going to have to defend myself from. There is nothing more that I hate than lies, I've suffered enough of that filth and it comes from insecure and jealous individuals. I don't know why they would be insecure about me or jealous of me. I hate what I've done and what I've had to go through. I've hated the fact that I compromised myself because I trusted a bunch of fucking idiots who never wanted to wage a righteous war for a good cause. To "save the world" as it were. They were terrorists who use the souls and the blood of their own youth to power their money making, world consuming, war machine.
And these people, their judgements make me laugh with delight because it proves directly many of the psychological phenomenon I've been learning about and discussing with my therapist. I find it amazing that with all the world's knowledge at our fingertips we've allowed our reason and our minds to grow soft and dull, allergic to reading or deep thought.
Fuck, no one ever reads my shit or even listens to what I say. I mostly get messages from sympathetic women, but I don't know how to respond to those other than to apologize. The others are usually some sort of speaker of the "good news" trying to save my soul from the pits of Tartarus by worshiping their true deity, or messages of pure toxic venom that I can do nothing more than be astounded that anything like that could exist in a human being. But as far as I can tell, no one ever reads or listens to what I have to say. They just respond to what's inside of them and throw it at me.
I've not benefited one bit from doing what I've done. It's destroyed my life and my ability to trust others. I've been manipulated, degraded, humiliated, ostracized. I have an Honorable discharge from the USAF, served in the Special Forces Unit the 3rd SoS (more like a warm body to fill a needed slot, but I gave them the best performance I could and left with a clean record despite all the fucking shit I had to deal with.
Then they betrayed me when i started listening to my heart and following the news of drone activity. I've educated millions of people, inadvertently, on the truly dangerous moral grounds we prowl with what we're doing. If any higher divine entity exists, then history will curse the United States and it's allies for what they have done in the name of willful ignorance. Choosing to abuse the powers that it had been given for the most very wrong of reasons.
So I don't really know what it is that I'm supposed to do. I've outmanuevered and overcame every challenge that I've been given so far. Not gracefully, but intact. The very fact that I'm alive after some of the shit that people have said to me, while the government authorities have brushed me off with a shrug when I brought to them my concern of my own safety.
This last October I had 4 polyps removed from my intestines that were giving me an extreme amount of pain. These last 5 years have seen me lose 50 lbs, a slow wasting away while I struggle to hold on to that elusive fable of the Will to Live.
I had a friend that spent the day with me when I was having a PTSD moment from when the Norwegian Police beat the fuck out of me, and I had been called by the Sheriff's Department because I have to pay Norway child-support, while they deny me access to my son. The true irony of the whole thing is that Norway is my ancestral home. They took my story. Made a butt-load of money off of it while still profiting off of war and oil. Manipulated the fuck out of me, then stole my child while playing with my heart. Now they're stealing my pension from me. A fully socialized country who has profited off of my pain is now stealing my disability and no one fucking cares. I have a letter from my own government telling me that what they're going to do is illegal but I should cooperate anyways, and when I didn't they just stole my money directly from my pay. How fucking dishonorable. What an absolute disgrace.
If any country in the world deserved to be cursed by whatever gods that exist, may it be Norway. I can't think of a more vile thing that anyone could do while professing to be a champion of peace and ecological living. They owe me a blood debt, and however it is that they pay it will be up to them.
While I was explaining this to him he reminded me of, "what my heroes would do." Not just real life heroes but my mythological ones too. I had told him that my Ishta-devata, the object of my heart, was to be a good father to my son. He reminded me that my personal war with the United States over what they have done to me is counter active to pursuing my life as a father. So I placed myself into my son's position and thought of what I would have wanted had I been where he is. It's not fair what has happened to either of us. My father was willfully absent. My son's mother is willfully keeping him from me as a way to hurt me while I watch my health drain from my body. My time is short and in my last days I have been left to die alone away from my only dream which was to be a good father and husband while serving the greater good.
Yeah, I do not have a happy attitude towards those that have hurt me. I can forgive but I can never forget. I know that maybe in a few hundred years, history will give me my justice by proving that I was right about everything. But knowing that right now, and the end of this life will be spent in sorrow and grief before the lights go out. Don't mourn for me, I do not deserve such gratefulness for my life. Mourn with me for who we've become.
I know I'm not perfect, but I do know that I am a good man, despite what I had been encouraged to do. I wouldn't be tearing myself apart over this whole mess if I wasn't. I am forever a murderer. I'm not a hero, I don't think I could ever be. Who would admire me? I am a servant to duty. That's all I could ever be. It's the only thing I know how to be successful at. The question is, what is my duty when all my obligations have been filled. I don't owe the world anything, though many have stolen from me, openly, I forgive all debts and trespasses. I no longer feel that I will suffer for what I have done, but many will for what they have done. However, that's not my concern. Karma will deal with that.
Yet again, I can't turn my back on my upbringing and core ideals. Regardless of how the world works that shouldn't change how I work. I just don't know what to do, what else I can do. Is speaking out enough? Do I have to get involved in politics? That would probably make me want to kill myself truly. Though my record would probably be the cleanest any male political figure would have in the recent decades. I've left plenty of ammo for people to use against me, yet instead of using real shit they just throw made up shit all over the place.
But anyways, politics would drive me madder than I already am. I don't need that shit in my life. I just want to help make the world a better place so my son and his generation don't have to be in a world where war and violent conflict are normal things and love is scarce. I don't want to die knowing that I did more harm than good in the world. I don't want to leave without hope for our future.
So where do I begin?
O Time too swift, O swiftness never ceasing!
His youth 'gainst time and age hath ever spurn'd,
But spurn'd in vain; youth waneth by increasing:
Beauty, strength, youth, are flowers but fading seen;
Duty, faith, love, are roots, and ever green.
His helmet now shall make a hive for bees;
And, lovers' sonnets turn'd to holy psalms,
A man-at-arms must now serve on his knees,
And feed on prayers, which are Age his alms:
But though from court to cottage he depart,
His Saint is sure of his unspotted heart.
And when he saddest sits in homely cell,
He'll teach his swains this carol for a song,--
'Blest be the hearts that wish my sovereign well,
Curst be the souls that think her any wrong.'
Goddess, allow this aged man his right
To be your beadsman now that was your knight.
-George Peele, ~1500s to Queen Elizabeth
***
I hope that when history looks back in time to view us they look upon us with sorrow instead of distaste. I hope they look mercifully in their judgement, that many of us were acting not out of ignorance, but out of naivete. However, on the trajectory that we are on it seems that hope will have abandoned us for there is only one end on this path: extinction.
I think my end of things has been more of stupidity than anything else. Naivete means that I was blind to what I had right in front of me. Stupidity succeeded where ignorance could not; by being unaware of the obvious truth that was shining it's headlamp directly into my face believing that we couldn't be the ones in the wrong. I just wasn't seeing the whole picture. I should trust my leadership.
I did, as they abused and mistreated me for a misdeed that I didn't even commit. Punishing me for meaningless things, degrading my sense of right by telling me to not questions decisions made by higher ranking individuals. They told me that it was "god's will" for me to do this and for me to kill those people. For me to feel this way about what we have done. All the while isolating me from my peers.
It forced me inward. Beat me into a lonely contemplation, wondering how humanity could ever be this way towards one another. I was a soft hearted person. I have grieved the loss of many things since this whole military bullshit began, but I have grieved for nothing more than the loss of my dreams of who I could be.
After this last interview on RT, I always like to check the comments section for the amount of bullshit I'm going to have to defend myself from. There is nothing more that I hate than lies, I've suffered enough of that filth and it comes from insecure and jealous individuals. I don't know why they would be insecure about me or jealous of me. I hate what I've done and what I've had to go through. I've hated the fact that I compromised myself because I trusted a bunch of fucking idiots who never wanted to wage a righteous war for a good cause. To "save the world" as it were. They were terrorists who use the souls and the blood of their own youth to power their money making, world consuming, war machine.
And these people, their judgements make me laugh with delight because it proves directly many of the psychological phenomenon I've been learning about and discussing with my therapist. I find it amazing that with all the world's knowledge at our fingertips we've allowed our reason and our minds to grow soft and dull, allergic to reading or deep thought.
Fuck, no one ever reads my shit or even listens to what I say. I mostly get messages from sympathetic women, but I don't know how to respond to those other than to apologize. The others are usually some sort of speaker of the "good news" trying to save my soul from the pits of Tartarus by worshiping their true deity, or messages of pure toxic venom that I can do nothing more than be astounded that anything like that could exist in a human being. But as far as I can tell, no one ever reads or listens to what I have to say. They just respond to what's inside of them and throw it at me.
I've not benefited one bit from doing what I've done. It's destroyed my life and my ability to trust others. I've been manipulated, degraded, humiliated, ostracized. I have an Honorable discharge from the USAF, served in the Special Forces Unit the 3rd SoS (more like a warm body to fill a needed slot, but I gave them the best performance I could and left with a clean record despite all the fucking shit I had to deal with.
Then they betrayed me when i started listening to my heart and following the news of drone activity. I've educated millions of people, inadvertently, on the truly dangerous moral grounds we prowl with what we're doing. If any higher divine entity exists, then history will curse the United States and it's allies for what they have done in the name of willful ignorance. Choosing to abuse the powers that it had been given for the most very wrong of reasons.
So I don't really know what it is that I'm supposed to do. I've outmanuevered and overcame every challenge that I've been given so far. Not gracefully, but intact. The very fact that I'm alive after some of the shit that people have said to me, while the government authorities have brushed me off with a shrug when I brought to them my concern of my own safety.
This last October I had 4 polyps removed from my intestines that were giving me an extreme amount of pain. These last 5 years have seen me lose 50 lbs, a slow wasting away while I struggle to hold on to that elusive fable of the Will to Live.
I had a friend that spent the day with me when I was having a PTSD moment from when the Norwegian Police beat the fuck out of me, and I had been called by the Sheriff's Department because I have to pay Norway child-support, while they deny me access to my son. The true irony of the whole thing is that Norway is my ancestral home. They took my story. Made a butt-load of money off of it while still profiting off of war and oil. Manipulated the fuck out of me, then stole my child while playing with my heart. Now they're stealing my pension from me. A fully socialized country who has profited off of my pain is now stealing my disability and no one fucking cares. I have a letter from my own government telling me that what they're going to do is illegal but I should cooperate anyways, and when I didn't they just stole my money directly from my pay. How fucking dishonorable. What an absolute disgrace.
If any country in the world deserved to be cursed by whatever gods that exist, may it be Norway. I can't think of a more vile thing that anyone could do while professing to be a champion of peace and ecological living. They owe me a blood debt, and however it is that they pay it will be up to them.
While I was explaining this to him he reminded me of, "what my heroes would do." Not just real life heroes but my mythological ones too. I had told him that my Ishta-devata, the object of my heart, was to be a good father to my son. He reminded me that my personal war with the United States over what they have done to me is counter active to pursuing my life as a father. So I placed myself into my son's position and thought of what I would have wanted had I been where he is. It's not fair what has happened to either of us. My father was willfully absent. My son's mother is willfully keeping him from me as a way to hurt me while I watch my health drain from my body. My time is short and in my last days I have been left to die alone away from my only dream which was to be a good father and husband while serving the greater good.
Yeah, I do not have a happy attitude towards those that have hurt me. I can forgive but I can never forget. I know that maybe in a few hundred years, history will give me my justice by proving that I was right about everything. But knowing that right now, and the end of this life will be spent in sorrow and grief before the lights go out. Don't mourn for me, I do not deserve such gratefulness for my life. Mourn with me for who we've become.
I know I'm not perfect, but I do know that I am a good man, despite what I had been encouraged to do. I wouldn't be tearing myself apart over this whole mess if I wasn't. I am forever a murderer. I'm not a hero, I don't think I could ever be. Who would admire me? I am a servant to duty. That's all I could ever be. It's the only thing I know how to be successful at. The question is, what is my duty when all my obligations have been filled. I don't owe the world anything, though many have stolen from me, openly, I forgive all debts and trespasses. I no longer feel that I will suffer for what I have done, but many will for what they have done. However, that's not my concern. Karma will deal with that.
Yet again, I can't turn my back on my upbringing and core ideals. Regardless of how the world works that shouldn't change how I work. I just don't know what to do, what else I can do. Is speaking out enough? Do I have to get involved in politics? That would probably make me want to kill myself truly. Though my record would probably be the cleanest any male political figure would have in the recent decades. I've left plenty of ammo for people to use against me, yet instead of using real shit they just throw made up shit all over the place.
But anyways, politics would drive me madder than I already am. I don't need that shit in my life. I just want to help make the world a better place so my son and his generation don't have to be in a world where war and violent conflict are normal things and love is scarce. I don't want to die knowing that I did more harm than good in the world. I don't want to leave without hope for our future.
So where do I begin?
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