My mother told me that I should be more grateful for what has gone on in my life despite the pain. And she's right. Love is perfected in pain and so has my heart been forged.
If I have to look at anything that has saved me from making the worst mistakes in my life, I'd have to give credit to my study into who the character of the Christ was and what it meant to be a disciple of his. And while I no longer follow the Christian faith, I will give credit where credit is due. It is because of them that I sought reunification with who I felt that I was supposed to be. It's helped me explore what I can only come close to explaining as to what my purpose in life could be. And as I've explored other religious languages, I've realized that we're all just trying to explore one thing.
Us. It's all about us.
And I'm not sure we've anything more than touched the surface.
But I'd like to show you where I would start, and put forth why I've spent a considerable amount of time and effort to try and explain this to everybody. My anger is justified. I followed the rules, the laws, my obligations. This is my experience with it, and about as close to a divinely scientific look into why violence under our current paradigms cannot be how we move forward into discovering who we can be.
The Ancient Greeks defined divinity as knowledge, and we can today look at experiential observation of repeated phenomenon as science. And if Gnosis is the unfoldment of the divine within, then our idea of ourselves should be to look at the trials and errors we encounter in our lives as helping us shape who it is we think we can be. I think it a shame for anyone to not live up to their full potential.
I did nothing wrong, obeyed every rule. When I've been trained and breed to look at duty and honor as a sacred obligation, but because my humanity had been stripped away what the fuck could my potential actually be? The best I can do is be a reflection tool and help guide us to a more harmonious place. I'm only a man who has done some serious and painful reflections.
I'm recovering from a Traumatic Brain Injury. The United States Military, after 6 years of Honorable Service, ending as a Staff Sergeant, 4 of those in the Special Forces, doing a job that I openly criticized, because I care about honor more than I care about egos, then two years dedicating myself to with a fanaticism to being a SERE Instructor...I was a master at my craft. I was devoted... and they tossed me to the curb like another piece of trash.
The SERE Philosophy is one that echoes in my heart. "Return With Honor," and the ever elusive "will to live," kept me from giving up on the military all-together when I left active duty in 2011. After my accident, I've had to completely rethink my entire life. Those ideas are very much a cornerstone of who I am today, and I am forever thankful that I had the opportunity to test myself and am forever sorry that I never got to graduate with my Team.
Though, I do have to say that the VA did give me the freedom to explore healing at my own measure while also providing the tools, and learning environment, for me to understand and manage my "invisible wounds" as they say. A bleeding heart can only bleed so much. Luckily, with my last venture into "mental health school" I came out with the tools to ease my heart ache and take comfort that I could be moved by such grief, and move on from broken ideas and dreams while still holding on to the vision of who I know I want to be. The VA might be bogged down by bureaucrats, there are many inside who genuinely want to help, and to them with my whole heart, please don't give up. The challenges that they've presented have been consistent and measurable, but has allowed me to understand my own health because I was frustrated at the lack of health care at times. Still am, but... the work is in progress.
I know that I will be known as one who has done his Duty, abides by Honor, and is true to his Word. And that no one can take from me. I only wish that I hadn't paid such a high price for it. I remember being told once, "the price is worth paying because it must be paid." I just didn't know the cost.
I pushed myself to death trying to escape my lost honor. That in itself is another story altogether. Let's only say that I once believed in a better military than the one they've currently shown me to be. I get to say it as one whose record clearly shows that I served honorably and with good faith. Thank you, First Amendment.
And I would think that people would start to take me seriously when I say that we clearly need to rethink what we are doing.
My Basic Training Instructor took me aside one day and gave me this piece of advice, "Church (as was my "callsign" back then, because I was the goody church boy), you seem like a good kid, a bright head on your shoulders. Don't get weighed down by what other people do. You'll learn how to be a good leader from the bad ones the best. They lead by how NOT to do things. You just have to pick up the good traits you see and get over the bad. I hope you do well. Oh, you're going to take the newbies to church because I know you'll not terrorize them like most people do. Good luck, you're in charge."
It feels like that will always be my sacred duty. Learning how not to do shit and bringing people to God. Wonderful. I've been in training for this since birth. We've seen how not to do it by people who really have no depth.
I'm throwing my hat into the Arena for the United States President Position. Not necessarily to win, but to be that mirror that our political leaders need through direct experience. I believe my merit and my heart has been proven to be unwavering and steadfast, even after I'd given up all hope.
I believe in the idea of Self Sovereignty, that it is our sacred duty to protect the innocent and be open and honest about our obligations. Justice, Liberation, and Peace. You know I am unbuyable. That I'm honest. I'd say that the best testament to that is the paid number one google search of me titled "Brandon Bryant is a Liar." It gives me immense amounts of pleasure that is the best they could do, because I gave them plenty of other reasons to call me other things that are much much worse.
But I'll take liar, because the only reason that is being thrown at me is because they've refused to take a serious look at what we've become. They can't even tell me what I've lied about, and I've been very careful to keep to my point rather than seek vengeance. Though, in a sense I've gotten the greatest vengeance of all: I get to speak the Truth. In the end, they know I'm right. The truth always comes out.
I want to thank the Norwegian Government at showing me that they are a pawn at the same game played in the US but better at hiding it. I tried to escape to a new life in Norway, start a family and forget about my duty. Thank you for helping me recognize that my duty is to life and that no matter what I do I should remember that. I will have my son back, sooner rather than later I hope, but you must take care of him. Should one hair be harmed on his head I'll turn my whistle on you. Because you know that you've wronged me and that I did nothing wrong. It's only a matter of time before the rest of the world see's you've become a social authoritarian state, exactly what your ancestors didn't want.
And as for many of the other Norwegians that I've met, you are a shame to our ancestors. Somebody needs to light a goddamn fire in your asses. I've never been more disappointed in my life except for the woman with which I have a child. And I blame your society more than I blame her because she's a broken soul and dark spirit, created by the many traumas and men in her life. But, there is a blessed few of you that saves the rest from being another curse upon my lips. I hope they are the ones that will one day lead your country and take a stand. There is so much potential and it's wasted by the Janteloven.
I want to throw out a personal thanks to Rick Rynearson. He recently got in trouble for giving into his madness of hate, but his stalking of me and his creation of these YouTube videos (one is mentioned above) that try to craft a character for me when he knows nothing of what my character is have evolved into a total joy. That he is basically the only real response I've gotten and the rest of my peers are silent on the matter is testament to my word. I love it. Check out his blog.
As for my peers... I am sorely disappointed in you. Many of you are cowards that I am ashamed that I had the displeasure of serving beside. You have tainted my entire belief in the goodness of anyone in ranking positions. I know some of you have had the discussion with me over this. I also know some of you are doing your best with your deeds and not your words and for that I thank you. I am trying to bring voice to our struggles and restore our lost honor. I have restored my own, but we must restore ours as a whole. This comes with demanding that the warrior be trained right, and the cost of discipline is high, but needed for a job that lacks any distinction of honor.
You must know that what we do and I have done flies in the face of everything that has been taught of honor throughout human history. But all is not for naught. I have found the keys to that locked door and I wish to share it with you. Those of you who still trust me, and those of you who wish to challenge me, I offer open discussion. It will be up to you to make the decision. I cannot walk the path for you, I can only show you my Way.
All I offer is my insight so that we can figure out a better future for us all. I am not a pawn. I am a Player who only seeks to fulfill his duty. I'm here for a reason, I've sacrificed too much. I have a little boy who deserves a world free of strife. It's what we all want for the generations to come and to honor the generations before us.
I know that I am not the only one who feels this way and has gone searching, I have only been given the opportunity to search deeply into the mysteries of ourselves. I have trained my mind and body, brought myself back from near death and despair, healed my broken heart and soul.
That's where I have to thank the mother of my son, the physical representation of Kali Ma in my life, the Great Destroyer of the Man's ego so that He may live in his heart. She played the part so well that all that I had once held on to in my beliefs of True Love and Fate were smashed against the rocks of her Malice and within that nothing of my self, love truly blossomed. I tasted the fruits of that True Love for the first time when I held my son in my arms after almost a year of separation. Never again will Death conquer my Heart.
There I want to thank all women who have given us men our reasons to live. Mothers, daughters, wives, aunts, cousins, and grands. If it wasn't for my upbringing amongst a Matriarchal family, I don't think I would have made it this far. My mother saved my life, my son's saved my soul, and another reignited the flame in my heart. May the Goddess forever shine her blessings upon them and you all. Thank you.
I finally feel free do do what I want and I get to Teach. I know who I am and I am truly grateful that I am free and worthy of my suffering.
See you on the World's Stage. The turning of the clock is about to begin. I am grateful to you all.
-B
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